It is a good morning for musing. Work. Art. My art. My next living space. The crazy thing we call a Universe and everything. It's one of those days where you think to yourself that no matter how messed up things are financially and relationally that the poets you've been bashing are right: the world is a rather sunny place when you realize that the clouds are only temporary.
And then, after a thought like that I want to puke for the saccharine sweetness of the thought. I think that this is what ambivalence must really be about. It is the war inside yourself between what you hope to be and what you are.
I'd like to muse more but I think that one sentance said it all.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Welcome
Dear readers, we have another follower who is brave enough to register as a follower. Say hello to Charles from Brazil. I am happy to be considered for entertainment, hopefully a little enlightening as well. And now more than ever I wish I had more than a passing knowledge of other languages. My German isn't good enough to write in and the only thing I can do with a Spanish language of any kind is count with Elmo. Thank God the rest of the world is not so short sighted as we in America and actually learns to communicate with others outside of their borders.
do NOT cross the streams!!!!
But by all means keep your fingers crossed. Whatever the motivation, my brother has been promoting me about town and wrangled an invitation to Art Walk. It's this big shindig downtown that begins and ends fudgie season. The store owner he spoke to isn't doing the Spring walk. But she is interested in doing the fall. And she needs artists to display outside of her store and generate some positive community spirit karma.
The idea wracks every last nerve. I don't think that I have to man a booth (Houston, we have issues). But I will have stuff out on the sidewalk with my name on it. Yikes! But cool. At any rate, I on't know what the details are and haven't met her yeet. But she seems hip to the idea which leads me to believe that she's been to bro's to see what I've done for his walls.
Please gang, keep your fingers crossed and send me the same kind of karma that I would send you. You never know when your big break will happen. But you have to not be so nervous about it that you miss the shot.
BIG SQUEE
The idea wracks every last nerve. I don't think that I have to man a booth (Houston, we have issues). But I will have stuff out on the sidewalk with my name on it. Yikes! But cool. At any rate, I on't know what the details are and haven't met her yeet. But she seems hip to the idea which leads me to believe that she's been to bro's to see what I've done for his walls.
Please gang, keep your fingers crossed and send me the same kind of karma that I would send you. You never know when your big break will happen. But you have to not be so nervous about it that you miss the shot.
BIG SQUEE
in which I am wrong
I am so disappointed. There is such thing as coincidence. Within 16 hours of each other two people who, for whatever energeticly insane reason having to do with Saturn's position, resumed communications with me. I wrote about this a post or so back. Both quit speaking to me on almost the same day. Both resumed friendly communications within 16 hours of each other. They share the same name.
But they are two different people. It's taken me a while to find verification. But I did. There is such thing as coincidence. But I really had hoped that it would be the kind of coincidence orchestrated by someone with a vested interest in secrecy. Its just the Universe telling me that I have the right interest in the wrong guy.
Poop.
But they are two different people. It's taken me a while to find verification. But I did. There is such thing as coincidence. But I really had hoped that it would be the kind of coincidence orchestrated by someone with a vested interest in secrecy. Its just the Universe telling me that I have the right interest in the wrong guy.
Poop.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Kan Xul..... gesundheit!
Last night's episode of Castle has me searching through online resources for Mayan kings. Fabulous episode with Indiana Jones and Scooby Doo references, I am still squeeing about it. There are a lot of elements to like about every episode but last night's was so FULL of Geeky Goodness from Charlie's girlfriend on Numb3rs guest starring to the veiled Star Trek reference that everyone just ignored!!!!!!! So I am looking up good king Kon Shu (K'an Xul) and in the list of Mayan Kings of Palenque in the Yucataan region I see something worth looking into.
If you were just too look at the list in English and not in glyphs, you could as an amateur, mistake them for Egyptian Kings... at first glance. Ahkal Mo' Nahb sounds like someone that I've come across in my Egyptian studies. But when you get further down the list to Kan Bahlam I hear a link to Balaam one of the enemies of the early Hebrews; as in Balaam's error. Ajen Yohl Mat calls to mind Ma'at, an Egyptian entity of judgement. And that is just for starters.
It's probably a stretch to say there is any commonality in names from disparate cultures separated by oceans. Yet... if van Daniken is right then there are no limits to the range these old ruler/deities would have known. I'm not saying they are the same gods/rulers. Only that they derive their names from a more common source than we want to believe. And it's just a fun exercise in linguistic futility. After all just because a words sound the same doesn't make them the same.
If you were just too look at the list in English and not in glyphs, you could as an amateur, mistake them for Egyptian Kings... at first glance. Ahkal Mo' Nahb sounds like someone that I've come across in my Egyptian studies. But when you get further down the list to Kan Bahlam I hear a link to Balaam one of the enemies of the early Hebrews; as in Balaam's error. Ajen Yohl Mat calls to mind Ma'at, an Egyptian entity of judgement. And that is just for starters.
It's probably a stretch to say there is any commonality in names from disparate cultures separated by oceans. Yet... if van Daniken is right then there are no limits to the range these old ruler/deities would have known. I'm not saying they are the same gods/rulers. Only that they derive their names from a more common source than we want to believe. And it's just a fun exercise in linguistic futility. After all just because a words sound the same doesn't make them the same.
Monday, April 5, 2010
technofrustration
One day Media Player will open when I download Memories of the Futurecast episodes and then not replay them because they are on the internet at I tunes... even though I have downloaded them already from Wilw's site. Then the next day I download a podcast I have to save it to a folder without the benefit of Media Player for no other reason than....
stars misaligned?
my magic Wesley Crusher fix it thingy is broke?
the computer hates me?
Rodney McKay highjacked my computer to fix a DHD on some forsake our old gods planet?
My 'puter thinks its a Hal9000 and acts like a Commodore 64?
the nanites got out of the lab?
God hates me?
The Fates like laughing at technophobic geeks?
someone on Alpha Ceti left the lights on 15million years ago and it caused anomolies on Earth now? [yeah you get the tenses right when dealing with the fluidity of time/space. I dare you. I double dog dare you!]
My futureself hasn't educated present self on properly setting up media player?
Microsoft is pissed that I'm not using Windows whateverthehellversionexistsinthistime/space?
It is a karmic test for which there is no right/wrong yin/yang answer?
the 'puter doesn't like the feng of my shui?
Somebody's borrogroves are all mimsy?
did someone kill an Enchanted Bunny with a rock? Frelling Moonpie!
what?
WHY CAN'T IT WORK THE SAME WAY EVERY TIME I WANT TO FRAKKING DOWNLOAD A HARMLESS BUT ENTERTAINING PODCAST IN HONOR OF ALL GEEKDOM????????????
Oh wait. It's because Sheldon Cooper is superior to me in always* and Microsoft likes to prove it at every turn. Stupid Moonpie!!!!!
*I do see what I did there and I'm leaving it that way on purpose.
stars misaligned?
my magic Wesley Crusher fix it thingy is broke?
the computer hates me?
Rodney McKay highjacked my computer to fix a DHD on some forsake our old gods planet?
My 'puter thinks its a Hal9000 and acts like a Commodore 64?
the nanites got out of the lab?
God hates me?
The Fates like laughing at technophobic geeks?
someone on Alpha Ceti left the lights on 15million years ago and it caused anomolies on Earth now? [yeah you get the tenses right when dealing with the fluidity of time/space. I dare you. I double dog dare you!]
My futureself hasn't educated present self on properly setting up media player?
Microsoft is pissed that I'm not using Windows whateverthehellversionexistsinthistime/space?
It is a karmic test for which there is no right/wrong yin/yang answer?
the 'puter doesn't like the feng of my shui?
Somebody's borrogroves are all mimsy?
did someone kill an Enchanted Bunny with a rock? Frelling Moonpie!
what?
WHY CAN'T IT WORK THE SAME WAY EVERY TIME I WANT TO FRAKKING DOWNLOAD A HARMLESS BUT ENTERTAINING PODCAST IN HONOR OF ALL GEEKDOM????????????
Oh wait. It's because Sheldon Cooper is superior to me in always* and Microsoft likes to prove it at every turn. Stupid Moonpie!!!!!
*I do see what I did there and I'm leaving it that way on purpose.
Effect without a cause
or is it just wishful thinking that has me wondering what is up with the world?
I've been rather on again off again in regard to e-dating and the whole social experiments thing as you well know. For the most part it has been one episode of 3s Company after another. I haven't learned a lot outside of what I already knew: God/the Universe/Fate has a sense of humor. Men know themselves as well as women do and that isn't a lot. We are all a bunch of chickens when it comes to relationships. And then, there is the rare occurrence that baffles me completely.
Using a fake name here to save my hide from further pointless chewing, we'll call the individual in question "Teom".
A couple of months ago I got a bunch of emails from guys named Teom. One stood out in particular as being very interested and very affectionate in his correspondence. Unfortunately due to scheduling issues I haven't gotten to meet him. That is not so unusual. It happens a lot. And on my end mostly because I go through periods where I realize a. there is a real life Teom that I am interested in and anyone else is just for passing time and b. I question if I even have the ability to incorporate a guy into my life and c. email is boring after a while. Realization A is the greatest reason that nothing goes any where. All the other Teoms and all the other everybody Else's just don't compare to real life Teom. So what happened is this:
Real life Teom was getting closer and closer to making up his mind about what he wanted. And email Teom's emails were getting as frequent and interesting as real life Teom. Real life Teom and I suddenly and unexpectedly reached an impasse in negotiations. And then email Teom stopped emailing. It's been ages since I've had meaningful communication with either.
Last week I ran into real life Teom. Cordial, convivial and conversational, discussions resumed the normality that had been lacking. Oh, make no mistake there is no passion in the conversation and there is no further negotiating with real life Teom. There were no veiled or unveiled flirtations just good, honest conversation. The very next day email Teom sent the traditional morning offline text. This morning my inbox gave me his special brand of prose. Coincidence?
I'll tell you, the quanta tells me there is no such thing as coincidence. Yet the mystical ways of the cosmos tell me there are. What to believe? If there is no such thing as coincidence then the Teoms are one in the same. And yet, I find that hard to believe. The character in the email and the character in life are dissimilar to the point of being able to disprove the coincidence theory. Yet one Teom emails after declaring a truce with the other Teom...
Reason says that the picture on the profile doesn't match real life Teom. But I've helped a girlfriend built a fake profile to catch a cheater. It is not out of the realm of possibility that a fake profile might be the mode by which a lost opportunity is recovered in much the same way that programming patches recover lost data.
Of course, as is always possible when dealing with the mystical side of life, I may have simply had the wrong Teom in my sites from the beginning and settled on real life Teom because he doesn't live several hours away. What do the cards say? Nothing helpful in the clarity department. Only confirming my hope that I don't have to be alone forever. And no... not a word about how to incorporate anyone else into my life. The only thing the cards have to say is Communicate, forgive, focus on goals and everything falls into place. Yes, logic and friends say the same thing. And no... I don't know why I spent 18.00 on a deck of cards to be told what my friends tell me for free.
Oh wait yes I do. Because I want a different answer than Communicate, Forgive, Focus on goals an everything will fall into place. I want the cards to lay out a step by step process for how to get what I want. And provide an iron glad guarantee that I am not, so to speak, barking up the wrong tree.
But I will tell you this much that I know for sure. There is no way that I am ever going to make any assumptions about real life Teom. No guessing. No hopeless holding my breath. If he changes his mind he's going to have to be frank, forward and as direct as a slap in the face about what he wants. His subtly, more than anyone elses goes right over my head. And whatever I do with my life in the mean time is my choice. As things stand now real life Teom hasn't asked for a hold while deciding on a purchase. If I decide to go some where beyond email with the other Teom, he can't complain because as far as I know there is no chance with real life Teom. And if they are one in the same I'm going to, most likely, be pissed on a level no one but me will understand.
I've been rather on again off again in regard to e-dating and the whole social experiments thing as you well know. For the most part it has been one episode of 3s Company after another. I haven't learned a lot outside of what I already knew: God/the Universe/Fate has a sense of humor. Men know themselves as well as women do and that isn't a lot. We are all a bunch of chickens when it comes to relationships. And then, there is the rare occurrence that baffles me completely.
Using a fake name here to save my hide from further pointless chewing, we'll call the individual in question "Teom".
A couple of months ago I got a bunch of emails from guys named Teom. One stood out in particular as being very interested and very affectionate in his correspondence. Unfortunately due to scheduling issues I haven't gotten to meet him. That is not so unusual. It happens a lot. And on my end mostly because I go through periods where I realize a. there is a real life Teom that I am interested in and anyone else is just for passing time and b. I question if I even have the ability to incorporate a guy into my life and c. email is boring after a while. Realization A is the greatest reason that nothing goes any where. All the other Teoms and all the other everybody Else's just don't compare to real life Teom. So what happened is this:
Real life Teom was getting closer and closer to making up his mind about what he wanted. And email Teom's emails were getting as frequent and interesting as real life Teom. Real life Teom and I suddenly and unexpectedly reached an impasse in negotiations. And then email Teom stopped emailing. It's been ages since I've had meaningful communication with either.
Last week I ran into real life Teom. Cordial, convivial and conversational, discussions resumed the normality that had been lacking. Oh, make no mistake there is no passion in the conversation and there is no further negotiating with real life Teom. There were no veiled or unveiled flirtations just good, honest conversation. The very next day email Teom sent the traditional morning offline text. This morning my inbox gave me his special brand of prose. Coincidence?
I'll tell you, the quanta tells me there is no such thing as coincidence. Yet the mystical ways of the cosmos tell me there are. What to believe? If there is no such thing as coincidence then the Teoms are one in the same. And yet, I find that hard to believe. The character in the email and the character in life are dissimilar to the point of being able to disprove the coincidence theory. Yet one Teom emails after declaring a truce with the other Teom...
Reason says that the picture on the profile doesn't match real life Teom. But I've helped a girlfriend built a fake profile to catch a cheater. It is not out of the realm of possibility that a fake profile might be the mode by which a lost opportunity is recovered in much the same way that programming patches recover lost data.
Of course, as is always possible when dealing with the mystical side of life, I may have simply had the wrong Teom in my sites from the beginning and settled on real life Teom because he doesn't live several hours away. What do the cards say? Nothing helpful in the clarity department. Only confirming my hope that I don't have to be alone forever. And no... not a word about how to incorporate anyone else into my life. The only thing the cards have to say is Communicate, forgive, focus on goals and everything falls into place. Yes, logic and friends say the same thing. And no... I don't know why I spent 18.00 on a deck of cards to be told what my friends tell me for free.
Oh wait yes I do. Because I want a different answer than Communicate, Forgive, Focus on goals an everything will fall into place. I want the cards to lay out a step by step process for how to get what I want. And provide an iron glad guarantee that I am not, so to speak, barking up the wrong tree.
But I will tell you this much that I know for sure. There is no way that I am ever going to make any assumptions about real life Teom. No guessing. No hopeless holding my breath. If he changes his mind he's going to have to be frank, forward and as direct as a slap in the face about what he wants. His subtly, more than anyone elses goes right over my head. And whatever I do with my life in the mean time is my choice. As things stand now real life Teom hasn't asked for a hold while deciding on a purchase. If I decide to go some where beyond email with the other Teom, he can't complain because as far as I know there is no chance with real life Teom. And if they are one in the same I'm going to, most likely, be pissed on a level no one but me will understand.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Hoppy Holidays
It's Easter and I'm on the web.
Haven't eaten yet and it's 10:30. Planning on a tilapia fillet on the Foreman. Been to yahoo, gmail, hung out at Wilw's blog, facebook and cruised the randomness of the edge of Geekdom and now I'm blogging about absolutely nothing. I can hope that my life is not permanently reduced to the ritual of taking facebook quizzes to find out that I already know "Which Golden Girl", "Which Muppet", what "Kind of Evil" and "Which Little House Child" I am before I take the quiz. Nothing quite ruins the fun of an Easter alone than finding out a random quiz master pegging you as Dorothy Sbornak, Scooter, and evil bastard and Mary Ingalls after it already outed you as Sheldon Cooper.
Okay, the Evil Bastard thing was really arbitrary. But still... I hoped to get Laura Ingalls at least. I am more of a tomboy after all. Thank God we don't really have to measure ourselves by what facebook thinks. I'd be one messed up duck!!!!
Haven't eaten yet and it's 10:30. Planning on a tilapia fillet on the Foreman. Been to yahoo, gmail, hung out at Wilw's blog, facebook and cruised the randomness of the edge of Geekdom and now I'm blogging about absolutely nothing. I can hope that my life is not permanently reduced to the ritual of taking facebook quizzes to find out that I already know "Which Golden Girl", "Which Muppet", what "Kind of Evil" and "Which Little House Child" I am before I take the quiz. Nothing quite ruins the fun of an Easter alone than finding out a random quiz master pegging you as Dorothy Sbornak, Scooter, and evil bastard and Mary Ingalls after it already outed you as Sheldon Cooper.
Okay, the Evil Bastard thing was really arbitrary. But still... I hoped to get Laura Ingalls at least. I am more of a tomboy after all. Thank God we don't really have to measure ourselves by what facebook thinks. I'd be one messed up duck!!!!
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