Unexpected day off

Today, when I checked into facebook,  I found that my friend Larry had entered the Wayback machine and went to 1984. So, like a good lemming I went too. When I travel back to that year the first stop I like to make is A-ha's house. So I know have a time travel playlist of A-ha's greats. Well, what I call the greats; because even though the physical music has been gone for 25 or more years, I can still remember the words. These were the sentiments that I programmed into my head on purpose because I never dreamed that the future would let us go back in time for real to relive our glory days. I did not want to lose these songs when the cassettes broke. And I knew they would. Though Captain Picard could call up any piece of music from the ships library in the mid 2300s, i did not think it possible to tap into a vast cultural library in my lifetime. So I stored it all in my head for safe keeping.

Granted the videos are newer performances. But the feeling from my first listen are still there, ready to go at the first note. It is comforting. And inspiring. As I listen, I find myself tapping into the fearlessness that I had at 15 when my life was so open before me that there were endless choices. Of course for my personality type that isn't always a good thing. I want to do everything. Can you say daVinci? I knew you could. But it was wonderful because I did not fear the possibility of failure like I do now. I'm not guaranteed to fail at my endeavors. And neither am I guaranteed to succeed. And at this juncture, with fiscal concerns looming like some Sendakian monster in my closet, the lack of a guarantee of success tortures me with immobility.

Last night I spent some time at Borders. I found a book that has given me some hope. It tells me there is a lot of footwork to get where I want to be. But there is hope. I just have to have some support. The best support comes to us when we fight against self doubt and our fears. We have to put on the armor that will protect us. For me that armor comes foremost in the shape of music. Not faith in God, you ask? To which I say who do you think gave these artists the talent to sing, play and perform but most of all to distill our human experiences into 3:05 minutes of back patting and handholding? And why do you think God did that?

Right after music, because it is portable and essentially on-demand, are the people who know that everything can be overcome, who don't try to hold you back out of jealousy and false competition and who won't let you be less than what you could become because you are taking the "safe" route and working a dead-end job.

So as I listen to the music that has always uplifted me and propelled me forward, I sort through the supportive people and the ones who hold me back, I formulate a plan and I write you to tell you that you too can do anything you want to do. Armor yourself, gather your troops and go forward to conquer the enemy at your gate be it self-doubt, jealous co-workers or the fickle finger of finance.

Go! Be! Do! But most of all... enjoy what you love and do what you enjoy.

it isn't like finding lyrics under rocks in the garden

I am looking for work again. I still have my job. But it is even more clear to me now than it ever was before that I belong somewhere else. I am definately over qualified for what I do. Despite the fact that it could be the best use of my inate abilities to organize, and design a useful, ergonomically efficient space, that is not how it has shaken out. It is a mind numbing job and the social network is not on parr with my personality. I have been trying to fit into the wrong shaped hole. No matter how gently to try to reshape things to fit it will not be reshaped. It just isn't where I am supposed to be.

I don't know where I am supposed to be. I know that the right small little business would be better than a big one. I know that I can be given a task suited to me, left alone to get it done and everyone would be happy. I know that I can talk to just about any kind of person out there and I am a good hostess, so reception might not be too bad. I just don't know where those jobs are in my area.

Oh well... I just have to keep turning over rocks until I find what I am looking for.

skip the multi-verse fantastic

I often wonder if there is a real possibility that the boundaries between universes can be so thin that some individuals can slip through them frequently; and that those differences are so subtle that you can be elsewhere/when for a long time before you realize that you are inthe wrong place. Take for instance a situation at work.

We have always pressed event linens on the first shift in laundry with the understanding that the laundry gets done as it gets done. And for the better part of the year I have been the one to do the linens because the other two hate to do it. We were getting them done up to four days in advance and they were re-wrinkling so we quit getting that far ahead. The larger point I am making is that it has always been a first shift thing. And as a result its been me. And I have not failed to get the linens done in a timely manner. In fact the only time they were not done for the set up crew is on my days off when the other two decided they didn't have to do it. It happened twice and one of those times the frnt desk had to do it.

Suddenly, as event season has gone into full swing it is being left for second shift to do. And this after hearing snide commments about how I need to do my fair share. Huh? I've been left with twenty linens, 70 rooms of laundry and public areas to clean then been laughed at when I've asked for help. I wonder how it is that no one who has seen me toiling can remember that.

The only explaination is that there must be a thin veil. If I am not slipping through the multiverse at random points in this time stream then there is a problem with the people that I work with; namely that the two I work with have managed to convince the others we work with that what they see is not true. But how can that be? Each person who comes in that laundry room is a reasoning, thinking person who does not seem to be easily swayed. And that would mean that the people I work with who had professed to be my friends were lying.

I prefer to believe that I am in a part of the multiverse where things are different. But I know the science for that is bad and that can not be the truth. Fantasy hurts a little less. Damn the travails of being a geek!!!