Now what????

It would seem that I have done something stupid in the editting. I can't figure out why my post titles are different colors or what happened to the options to edit them. Oh technology! Do you have to be so.... so... so douchbaggy?

Baby Steps

I don't know what it is that keeps sending me into such a sticky quagmire of self doubt. But I haz it again. And this time it is a little more crippling than before. In part this is due to the fact that I did not plan any further ahead in my art field than getting Dad to admit that I can be an artist and that people want what I've got to sell. I didn't make a plan for that. How can you not? By getting caught up in the emotional need to have satisfaction and approval and not looking at the practical.

And even that isn't right. I had a plan to sell my designs and products associated with them, namely my colelction of 600 rubber stamp designs as either red, wood mounted rubber stamps or the new fangled clear acryllic ones. But I did not make any plans to sell the fine art. Economy tanks and the craft industry kinda back tracked so the stamp thing is not viable. That means that I need to sell the fine art.

I do not have a plan for that. The fine art is the stuff that resulted from playing with the stamps and techniques that I had to learn to be able to market the rubber. I never intended to sell the physical work. The canvases are like journals detailing the things that worked, and to be honest, didn't work. They were the inspiration board cum design notebooks that kept my walls from feeling all naked and cold and junk.

But that is what I am going to have to make a plan for. I have no training in that. I know how to sell rubber stamps. I do not know how to sell me. And so the first step was to show the shrink.

No anxiety. She wondered why. Simple. She is an easy mark. So is the boyfriend. They kinda have to be nice about it. The tough part is showing it to people that fall into the following categories: Who Needs Art?It Doesn't Put Food on the Table, Abolished the Public Funding for all Art Endeavors, Art Isn't Real Work, and the I'm A Jock You're Weird I Don't Care About Your Crap categories. So my next step is to take it into work and show some of the people who seem surprised to find out that I am an artist and a trekkie after working with me for 3 years.

The Coversation Starter falls into a category somewhere between the It Doesn't Put Food on the Table and the Art isn't Real Work. The Conversation Starter is a hard working man with a good heart, full of practicality. So even though he is interested in seeing what I've done, I am still rather scared to do so. I know I have to get used to rejection. But I also need to not expect it from every single person that I meet. That is just the Pavlovian conditioning in my family that I have to overcome. And the Conversation Starter will at least be kind about it. Sir Knight? Hmmm... well things are improved in that category but I do not believe that the improvement merits seeking out the attention. As far as others go... I do kinda have a stacked deck. I know a lot of the girls are going to like what I do because they always like the cards they get from me.

So I go out to take my own advice this week... Be Bold. Be Strong. Step Forward and meet the World because it isn't going to come looking for you.

Ocam's Razor for the Win...

Well I guess a mild week long case of paranoia is better than an entire Winter's worth. I know I have said this before. But Friends, take good care of your selves. When your head isn't in the right place there is something that needs to be done to keep you in your geeky life without going postal. For me it was PCOS. And that is a simple fix. It doesn't mean that I am crazy when the thinking goes on a holiday. It just means I need to pay attention to what is going on with me and do something about it.

I get a little weird and a little depressed on ocaission and think that it comes with being an artist and an aquarius. I have visions of Kirk Douglas as vanGogh and think that I am bound for the same kind of lunacy. "It comes with the territory." "Why break the stereo type." and worst of all, "Insanity is all part of the genius package." I don't know who specifically said the last thing. But I have heard similar so many times I've started to wonder if maybe all I do to change circumstance is a waste of time and that embracing the crazy is the best choice. But it isn't. All this really has been is an undiagnosed hormonal imbalance cause by the simple fact that I am a girl. Grrrrrrrrr-eat! I know.

I guess I just want you to know that bad things don't have to happen. And when they do there is usually a simple solution if you would only look for that first instead of building a conspiratorial thesis. I know those are valid at times. But Ocam's Razor first. Then you can go 7 kinds of Alex Jones crazy.