Something else that will get me into trouble later

I am going through something in my life right now that is at once the most terrifying and the most edifying thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like one foot is in hell while the other is on the bottom step of a stairway to heaven. My anxiety order is staring me straight in the face saying "deal with me now". And I am. My opinion of churchy people and my top ten list of reasons why I don't attend an organized church is staring me straight in the face and asking me if I really believe those reasons are valid. I am being challenged to decide if I really am going to wait around for unsupportive people to get a grip and be supportive while being offered the oppotunity for a shorter wait: hell to freeze over. My belief system is being challenged hardcore right now.

Thing is: fixing things comes at a price I don't know if I am willing to pay because there is not a detailed end run cost analysis, just the promise that the long run has a better pay out than the present. There are people I will lose with the repair. When it comes the the hamstringing siblings, I've already accepted that they are already gone. Probate closure is the coffin being lowered into the ground on our little family drama. They will still be alive in their own world but the family is dead. and I have to be okay with that.

But I have to be okay with other things too. I have to be okay with the idea that my mother was right and that the only person who will ever do right be me is going to be me. It seemed so shallow and callous because she judged anyone wo needed help as being weak while she viewed volunteerism as a means to a social ladder she had no other way to climb. she was pessimistic and cynical and overconfident about her own value while she was constantly undercutting someone else (usually us kids and dad). She was wrong about so many things. And the church I grew up in seemed to counter everything she stood for. And it was a refuge when I was little. My life mission was to prove that she was wrong. To find the good in everyone and to prove to her that the global community would do right by its people, especially given that she was bent on destroying so many of us. In the end, given the state that my life is in... I have to concede that she is right. I am my own Knight. My own Muskateer and the only one who will MacGyver a solution to my situation. And that is a grief all its own that I don't think anyone can understand.

There can't be any room in my life for people who don't support my vision, dreams and show the kind of empathic support they want from me. That is a very short list. There can not be any room in my life for people who call me weak as that does nothing to encourage strength, it is a reinforcement of failure. I am stronger than a lot of people realize. And if I have to do everything by myself I will. I just hope that the people in my life understand just what "everything" means.

Peter Cottontail might be in trouble

This is it. The whole Magic Carrot kaboodle. Released by Playroom games, Killer Bunnies is at least a decade old and on the way down the rabit hole never to be seen again.

My brother bought his family a starter set and a booster pack for Christmas a couple years ago and they have been playing ever since. I get a special invite once in a while, as I have posted before. Well a couple of visits back in November and a play-by-play (almost) recap of te game's adventures set the boyfriend on his own quest. Four months of being strung along by two seperate game stores in the area sent him to e-Bay. We'll save customer service issues for another post. The game was bought on Thursday. It arrived Saturday. This is a still shot of the first game revving up to the exciting point. The first game is always a little dicey while the newbies are learning the rules. This game is especially complicated as it is a cross between rummy and war and each card is printed with special instructions. It is an expansion game like Magic the Gathering. And as I have said before in a previous post... it is totally for geeks, made by geeks.

I was not sure that the boyfriend would like the game. So I tried to talk him out of so large an investment. But his logic was that if he liked it a lot and couldn't buy them individaully before the rest of the booster packs were discontinued then he would be disappointed in a Marvin teh Martian kinda way which would be very ugly to witness. Thankfully he likes it a lot and the odds of him being disappointed are greatly reduced. And now I don't have to wait for an invite from the brother to play :)

So we posted this shot on our facebook pages. Brother is not happy to know that we have the whole set. And even more upset to know that he will spend a third more buying packs individually and that he is only two sets ahead of the discontinued rate.
BRO: So how do you know its discontinued?
ME: Internet.
BRO: Huh.
ME: What?
BRO: Seems like that is your answer for everything.
ME: Well that's one of the things the internet was built to do.
BRO: It's just so......
ME: geeky?
BRO: Sheldon.

D'oh!