I have a lot of things running around my head right now. One of them is relationship-centric. One is work-centric. One is a convoluted melange of angst.
ONE: I know a lot of people with relationship issues right now. And most of them stem from a failure to understand boundaries. There is a reason that you set them up BEFORE you get into a relationship. That reason is solely for your protection. Yes. Your protection. Because people who love you are people and sometimes do not know that they can hurt you and will hurt you without even trying. Love is not an absence of hurt but an abundance of forgiveness. But you have to know your limits. You have to know when forgiveness means letting the person go and when it means letting the issue go. Problem with people is that they are people. They have egos. While many would say that a boundary is a great thing to have to keep their loved ones safe from Time Bandits, Emotional Vampires, Money Grubbers, and that select group of individuals we like to call Users or Scrubs, those same people take offense that you need to have a boundary for them. You know because its like you called them User, Scrub, Grubber, Vampire or Bandit.
But the thing about knowing what your limits are and where you are going to draw the line BEFORE you get there is that you can be flexible with those lines when the situation permits or is wise. The other thing with boundaries is that it is true that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. But I know a lot of Ganders right now that seem to think that a personal boundary that keeps them from taking what they is an insult. And they act hurt, angry, sad, and indignant all while sniping and biting at anyone who would dare to look cross-eyed at their own boundaries.
I hang my head and shake it with resolute frustration that the Ganders don't get it and the Geese then decide to abandon their boundaries to keep the Gander. Ladies and Geese: Let your Gander go. Men and Ganders: your ego is not the target of attack. It is not always about you being insulted. Sometimes its just about her staying emotionally healthy. No matter how much you love someone it is not healthy to spend every waking minute thinking about your partner and waiting for him to call. Her every free minute is not for you and you alone. Some of those minutes belong to God. Some of those minutes belong to her. And it is for your own safety that you should respect those boundaries. And yes, my relationship can think this post reflects on him. But its all the guys. I heard a lot of hurt at work today and saw some pretty damaging things happen among our guests that make me think being single is a good idea.
None of us means to hurt someone. It just happens when we forget emotional health. The woman who is always on for everyone else drains her batteries and becomes useless after time. The man who is always guarded pushes people away without meaning to because the special people do not feel special. The man who has no boundaries feels constantly used. The woman with too many boundaries becomes cold no matter how warm the touch.
Flexibility people. Have the boundaries but do not build walls. It took 28 years for the Berlin wall to come down... but some of you do not have the luxury of that kind of time.
ONE MORE: I am looking for a place to live again. I do not know how long I will have steady work. I worry about producing more art and getting the quality photos. I do not worry about selling them. I am having great feed back from my www.moo.com order. I am concerned about a friend at work. I am worried about a Smiling Face with Malice in her Eyes. I am fearful for my family and the conflicts they are enduring right now. I am sad for a special pet who is not doing well. And I have, against every promise I made to myself, fallen in love with an adorable and mutually adoring cat. Wintry Hounds are at my door and it is still part of a balmy Summer. Another friend at work is having trouble with some trust issues. Unfortunately those issues have to do with me and my Accidental Big Mouth and my own Frosty Barrier. There is mild conflict all around me and add that to the potent blend of conflict in the home and you have one very sad Aqaurius that can't find a hug to save her life or anyone else's.
LAST ONE: The work conflict has been building and building. And part of it is me. I work hard and I can not let go of the insults, attacks and outright lies very well. My fellow Aquarians will attest that TRUTH, big truth, little truth, personal truth and the Great Cosmic Truths are the Uberall. And when the truth is not told I want to do unspeakable things in my defense that would make Hannibal blush (Lector not the Elephant Over the Mountains Dude)... 'case you were wondering.) Darkside Aquarius thinking. All in all it is quite a roller coaster in the bowels of our little ship.
So today, as I was getting the run down from the weekly meeting that pertains to where I fall short of the glory of someone other than God, I was actually quite heartened by some news that gives me courage to keep putting on a brave face: my manager was actually considering me for Employee of the Month. It will go to the new maintenance guy. And I guess rightly so. I mean I thought like she did that part-timers were not eligible. So kudos to him. And kudos to me when it happens. I thought that a snow cone had a better shot of an after life in Hell than I did of getting even a nomination. So I am very glad that she thought of me. And while we have been taught to think it a trite and falsely humble thing to say by all the award shows... I really am grateful to have been nominated, even if only in her heart. I felt so much better about things today that the rest of the afternoon was far more productive than it should have been given the way I kept getting called away to do other things.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
When I was in High School
I know, we hated it when our parents did it to us. So why am I doing that to you? I guess because that is one of the things that we do... we learn and we pass the knowing on to others. And the best part is that age doesn't matter. So here we go... into the Wayback Machine, Sherman!
When I was in High School we got a new superintendent that made a huge difference in the way the student body behaved toward one another. And there were new resources available to the students for support. One of those resources was the peer support group that was started by our guidance counselor. I do not know how many people were in it all together because we ended up dividing into cell groups very quickly. I guess everybody had problems and a lot of people felt like talking about them.
The biggest benefit to the group, aside from finding common ground and melting some of the clique-barriers that were established in middle school, is that we were able to voice our thoughts and find a way to ground ourselves to reality. And in many cases it helped to define life goals wether they had anything to do with college or not. I know a lot of serious issues were dealt with. And a lot of frivolous ones too. Mostly what I remember is this:
1. It was safe. I never had anything leave the room and get spread around the school. And no one judged me for what I said. If I felt like there was a target on my back, we discussed it and explored options. Sometimes it was just my programmed paranoia and sometimes we found that I was not nearly as concerned as I should have been. My body issues and confusion about being a tomboy, not even a gender identity crisis, just a crisis over the line I drew in my comfort zone, were not condemned either. I liked that kind of unconditional care. Liked giving it. Liked receiving it.
The lack of judgement really was the key for me. No one told me I was crazy not to go to college; not to use my art to get by. My choices were supported. My dreams were held and cherished. Like I said- safe.
2. Boundaries were learned and respected. I forgot until a conversation with a friend to day that we did discuss that. We had handouts. I practiced it. But the only safe place to have boundaries was in the group session. It was not safe at home. Unfortunately I think that is far more common a thing than any of us really know. There is so much pressure to be what our parents were not that we feel an obligation to fill their shoes instead of our own. If you have parents who want you to be you and not them go hug them... right now. And say thank you.
3. Encouragement. I know that I got to stretch my empathy muscles in group. Of course I was not perfect. It took a long time to learn to find the right words. And with my best friend I often made mistakes trying to protect her by encouraging her to camoflague rather than boldly be herself. Thankfully I do not think I did any permanent damage to her though I did manage to damage our friendship with my clumsy, ham-handed tomboy ways. I've been, as I have alluded, in a RPG for a while now. I wanted Felicia Day's Guild experience. And I am finding it. But I am finding something else out about myself.
Encouragement is what I do best. I am one of those people that loves everyone for their flaws as well as their slight perfections (not a typo). Today I had a few minutes to catch up with a friend across the pond. He started out hitting on me cause I said "Heissenberg". But now he is being real and down-to-earth. And I think will realize that I am not the future girlfriend he is looking for. But I am what everyone needs wether they will admit it or not.... someone safe to talk to who doesn't care what kind of car, clothes or house you have. I genuinely want everyone to be happy. And that ultimately means being yourself... who ever that is.
That i think is my mission on this planet. And I think that it is my mission online too. I seem to get in to these conversations a lot. Feels pretty good to be the one to tell someone to keep their chin up, feet on the ground but reaching for the stars. And the more I encourage others the better I feel about myself. This must mean something. It probably does not mean that I will make loads of cash this way. But it does mean that the more I tell others this, the more I encourage myself and eventually I will bust out of the rut that I am in on a personal level.
It may actually be the only way to vanquish the fear that immobilizes me.
And now.... a nap.
Like I said, When I was in High School. I'm older now and not really able to sustain that adrenaline powerhouse like I did at 18. ;)
When I was in High School we got a new superintendent that made a huge difference in the way the student body behaved toward one another. And there were new resources available to the students for support. One of those resources was the peer support group that was started by our guidance counselor. I do not know how many people were in it all together because we ended up dividing into cell groups very quickly. I guess everybody had problems and a lot of people felt like talking about them.
The biggest benefit to the group, aside from finding common ground and melting some of the clique-barriers that were established in middle school, is that we were able to voice our thoughts and find a way to ground ourselves to reality. And in many cases it helped to define life goals wether they had anything to do with college or not. I know a lot of serious issues were dealt with. And a lot of frivolous ones too. Mostly what I remember is this:
1. It was safe. I never had anything leave the room and get spread around the school. And no one judged me for what I said. If I felt like there was a target on my back, we discussed it and explored options. Sometimes it was just my programmed paranoia and sometimes we found that I was not nearly as concerned as I should have been. My body issues and confusion about being a tomboy, not even a gender identity crisis, just a crisis over the line I drew in my comfort zone, were not condemned either. I liked that kind of unconditional care. Liked giving it. Liked receiving it.
The lack of judgement really was the key for me. No one told me I was crazy not to go to college; not to use my art to get by. My choices were supported. My dreams were held and cherished. Like I said- safe.
2. Boundaries were learned and respected. I forgot until a conversation with a friend to day that we did discuss that. We had handouts. I practiced it. But the only safe place to have boundaries was in the group session. It was not safe at home. Unfortunately I think that is far more common a thing than any of us really know. There is so much pressure to be what our parents were not that we feel an obligation to fill their shoes instead of our own. If you have parents who want you to be you and not them go hug them... right now. And say thank you.
3. Encouragement. I know that I got to stretch my empathy muscles in group. Of course I was not perfect. It took a long time to learn to find the right words. And with my best friend I often made mistakes trying to protect her by encouraging her to camoflague rather than boldly be herself. Thankfully I do not think I did any permanent damage to her though I did manage to damage our friendship with my clumsy, ham-handed tomboy ways. I've been, as I have alluded, in a RPG for a while now. I wanted Felicia Day's Guild experience. And I am finding it. But I am finding something else out about myself.
Encouragement is what I do best. I am one of those people that loves everyone for their flaws as well as their slight perfections (not a typo). Today I had a few minutes to catch up with a friend across the pond. He started out hitting on me cause I said "Heissenberg". But now he is being real and down-to-earth. And I think will realize that I am not the future girlfriend he is looking for. But I am what everyone needs wether they will admit it or not.... someone safe to talk to who doesn't care what kind of car, clothes or house you have. I genuinely want everyone to be happy. And that ultimately means being yourself... who ever that is.
That i think is my mission on this planet. And I think that it is my mission online too. I seem to get in to these conversations a lot. Feels pretty good to be the one to tell someone to keep their chin up, feet on the ground but reaching for the stars. And the more I encourage others the better I feel about myself. This must mean something. It probably does not mean that I will make loads of cash this way. But it does mean that the more I tell others this, the more I encourage myself and eventually I will bust out of the rut that I am in on a personal level.
It may actually be the only way to vanquish the fear that immobilizes me.
And now.... a nap.
Like I said, When I was in High School. I'm older now and not really able to sustain that adrenaline powerhouse like I did at 18. ;)
It's Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My order from www.moo.com came in. Woot!s to me. Oh it is soooooo nice!!!
Nice is such a poor choice for how awesome this package is. The card stock for the business cards is nice and smooth and really made my so so photography pretty good. Some of the color was a nudge off of what my screen showed. Nothing disfiguring, so I can live with it. Unlike in the old days when a nudge was like shifting to a different color in the spectrum... this is pretty cool. Some of the cool temp pics came out a little warm but like I said... nothing disfiguring. And just TOTALLY IMPRESSIVE.
And I do not say so myself. Think about this. A standard business card is one side of print. That leaves the backside for people to do what people do... rummage in the purse or wallet for a scrap of paper to make a note about appointments, a book, and NPR segment or part of a grocery list then... when said task is accomplished it hits the trash because your business suddenly became the to do list. Your business message was superseded by the IMMEDIATE need of your potential client. BUT the moo.com card has your art on front and your info on back. YOU get both sides of YOUR card. There is no option but to be "top of mind" every time your potential client looks at that card. HOW COOL IS THAT?
I am thinking very specifically of my friend Kathy. Her husband is an excellent chef and they produce organic specialty foods at www.foodforthought.net. [My personal recommendation is the Lavender Blueberry preserve for the sweet tooth and Wild leek relish for a tangy kick on savory dishes. But that is my bias]. So how cool would it be to do a kitchen still shot of a plate of his food with the jar of ingredients next to it for the front of the card with all their contact info on back? The concept would work for any business really. I think maybe especially the service industries.
Landscaper? How about a still shot of you at work? House painter? Again a still of your hand on the brush. Do you restore furniture or watches or the like? Split the front of the card with before and after shots. I envision a close up of some trim work on a Biedermeier chair for instance. Ooohh... upholstery..... sorry thinking out loud there.
Really it is a concept who's time has come. And technology makes it possible. I love the future. Sad that I do not have a jet pack or land speeder. But the future is looking pretty bright right now because of all the wonderful things we can do together. This is a European based business with affiliates in the USA... even cooler still.
So just a thought there for you guys to ponder. And again... this is all because someone in England www.aquamarineart.blogspot.com got excited about what she does and made things then posted on her blog. So that all of us around the world who read her and share her passions could get excited and make things.
Life is about getting excited and making things. Period.
Nice is such a poor choice for how awesome this package is. The card stock for the business cards is nice and smooth and really made my so so photography pretty good. Some of the color was a nudge off of what my screen showed. Nothing disfiguring, so I can live with it. Unlike in the old days when a nudge was like shifting to a different color in the spectrum... this is pretty cool. Some of the cool temp pics came out a little warm but like I said... nothing disfiguring. And just TOTALLY IMPRESSIVE.
And I do not say so myself. Think about this. A standard business card is one side of print. That leaves the backside for people to do what people do... rummage in the purse or wallet for a scrap of paper to make a note about appointments, a book, and NPR segment or part of a grocery list then... when said task is accomplished it hits the trash because your business suddenly became the to do list. Your business message was superseded by the IMMEDIATE need of your potential client. BUT the moo.com card has your art on front and your info on back. YOU get both sides of YOUR card. There is no option but to be "top of mind" every time your potential client looks at that card. HOW COOL IS THAT?
I am thinking very specifically of my friend Kathy. Her husband is an excellent chef and they produce organic specialty foods at www.foodforthought.net. [My personal recommendation is the Lavender Blueberry preserve for the sweet tooth and Wild leek relish for a tangy kick on savory dishes. But that is my bias]. So how cool would it be to do a kitchen still shot of a plate of his food with the jar of ingredients next to it for the front of the card with all their contact info on back? The concept would work for any business really. I think maybe especially the service industries.
Landscaper? How about a still shot of you at work? House painter? Again a still of your hand on the brush. Do you restore furniture or watches or the like? Split the front of the card with before and after shots. I envision a close up of some trim work on a Biedermeier chair for instance. Ooohh... upholstery..... sorry thinking out loud there.
Really it is a concept who's time has come. And technology makes it possible. I love the future. Sad that I do not have a jet pack or land speeder. But the future is looking pretty bright right now because of all the wonderful things we can do together. This is a European based business with affiliates in the USA... even cooler still.
So just a thought there for you guys to ponder. And again... this is all because someone in England www.aquamarineart.blogspot.com got excited about what she does and made things then posted on her blog. So that all of us around the world who read her and share her passions could get excited and make things.
Life is about getting excited and making things. Period.
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