Captain's Log

One of the things that I like about working in a company with the company of my fellow suffering serfs is the wacky sense of humor that we have. This comes out in various ways, but most permanently in the published log notes. Apparently being geeky is kinda cooler than it used to be but being a smart ass with a quick wit is on the top end of the job description. We have a front desk night auditor, Travis, who writes some of the best log notes I have ever read.

For the trekkies if you are thinking "Captain's Log Stardate....." you are correct. For those of you who stay at home, haven't worked somewhere other than in a legendary fast food chain or work for someone espousing brittle professionalism and stark efficiency, the notes in a Log are the company police blotter. Most of the time entries are limited to an event, update or a guest complaint noted with the authors initials. I don't work the front desk so when I have something to report is says "via Sherry" or "per Sherry". And any commentary is edited for content and formatted to run in the time allotted. But Travis is front desk and he frequently peppers his log entries with hilarious commentary. This is a nice touch. It rather takes the sting out of being called a dumb ass when you royally FUBAR a situation. Travis is usually unflappable so having to leave pertinent information in a missive for him is as rare an occurrence and as 9 planets (Yes, I still count Pluto) aligned with the galactic center... no I don't know but you can ask Mr Owl.

When I came in the other day he had experienced technical difficulty. it's not his fault really. If the township didn't have totally arbitrary and money grubbing reasons for putting very expensive and overly-engineered overflow valves on things he wouldn't have had a problem. I mean really, why take two steps to accomplish a task when you can take 6?!?!?!!! Engineers! Sheesh!!! Anyway he was baffled enough to ask me what was going on. Of course he never has to use the equipment in the Janitors Closest so he missed all of the verbal updates, especially the one that says "I don't care how defective the dispensary is we aren't replacing it." Too bad for Trav. But yea!! i got to do some creative writing. I love leaving blog-snarky notes for people. and this weekend was a Bonanza of opportunity.

The note that I left for Travis, after he asked "What's wrong with that Contraption?" went something like this:

Travis
RE: Liquid Cleaning Agent Dispensing Contraption

Two issues with dispenser operations working against you may have come into play. First there is a matter of insufficient water pressure. If this is the problem, release the dispensing button then open the faucet fully and try again.
If that does not resolve the matter then the issue is with the dispensing button not being fully depressed. I like to implement the Griswold Method to fully depress the button. Reminding it that "it's father was a hack Commodore 64 that couldn't even run Pong and its mother ran away with an iPad prototype... from the future" seems to be most efficient.

Good luck in you next endeavor
SC
Humor in Uniform department


I don't know what his response will be to that one. He has the next few days off. But I hope it gets the same kind of riotous laughter I got from the housekeepers who read it. Since my notes never make it to the log I left it with his time card which means anyone who notices it will see it too. Privacy? Pshshst! What is that?

The one I left for Jack wasn't as creative. I essentially told him that the next person who leaves the dumpster doors open so that I can wake what ever slumbering feral critter lurks inside and makes me scream like the blond chick in a slasher movie will not like the consequences. Yeah... a million English teachers just rolled in their graves. Sorry if you ran for cover.