6 degrees of Geekdom

I am trying to find the funny in this situation. After all, it isn't like anyone planned to total my car. It really was an accident. But the person who did it, with whom I share a home, really doesn't want to be responsible for getting me around town. And the thing of it is, there are some really dumb reasons that I am without a substitute vehicle. Chiefly the fact that I don't believe in credit cards... which, as is always the case, doesn't mean that they don't exist for a good reason. But the other reason that I don't have access to wheels is that I have a lot of pride going on right now. I've been getting rides to work. But I won't ask anyone to go out of their way to get me anywhere else. The person who crunched my car should be the one to do so. But I am the only one suffering inconvenience. Yes, the person who crunched it is paying through his insurance co. And he feels bad. But not bad enough.

So ACG tells me today that at least in his mind he is doing what he can to help me and keep me from having to live at a shelter or worse. But as I said in a rant somewhere that may not have been published here: when ever someone runs after you to help you it always ends up being more expensive. And this will be expensive. I've got an in at a dealership and he'll help me get into a new car if I have to. But I just got this one paid for. And I can't afford another loan the way that insurance prices are going. If I have a car loan I can not pay for a new place to live. So the help is costing me in the long run.

I know that it is the way that things go sometimes. But I also know that if I had done it to his car I'd be at his beck and call. One good thing about the experience is that I know I can walk long distances. 8.1 miles to get home one night. Fortunately the rain held off. And I can deal with the resulting joint pain and the charlie horses. What my pride can't handle is that no one was impressed with the accomplishment. The Conversation Starter actually accused me of hitchhiking. I'll be honest. I wasn't sure that I could do it. I still weigh a little more than 200 pounds even though I'm back into my 12 jean. And I've never had the kind of cardio that supports that kind of exertion. But C'mon!!!! Where's the "Atta girl" (Thanks ACG. But you already said that on the phone). Where's the "Way to go!" or even just a look of astonishment mingled with a bit of friendship-ly pride that says "Holy shit I didn't think you had it in you but I'm impressed."? I sure as hell was! A bit on the pissed off side too. But I was totally impressed with the fact that I was able to walk that and not be dead before my shoes came off.

Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I think too much of my accomplishments. Maybe that really wasn't all that impressive. But you know what? My brother wouldn't have walked it no matter how desperate he was. And neither would anyone else I know. Well... maybe Katie. But Katie could have gotten some hot guy in a sports car to pick her up cause she's just that cute. Besides, she's just as stubbornly German as I am. She'd have done it and been proud.

And I am. 8.1 miles is a hike. And damn anyone who doesn't think so. Of course, it also proved to me what other people say about exercise... it really is good for your mental health. It took almost the first half of the walk to calm down from being so torked that I couldn't get anyone on the horn at home. The first half I had some company. One of the girls had to walk home too. Then the last half of the walk got me out of my head and focused on my surroundings... especially after I crunched a dead squirrel skull. Well geez, how do you think I felt? It was under MY shoe!!! Ack! Anyway... about mile 5.5 I was pretty much in the zone where I could enjoy the walk.

It was overcast and breezy which made it very pleasant. The rain held off until I was about 1/4 mile from home. And then it was only a refreshing sprinkle. The thing was that all the crap that was in my head had to have been affecting everything else. At mile 6 I started to feel all the stuff leaving. Of course it decided to leave in the form of lactic acid built up in my calves (charlie horses) but all the unhealthy crap that the situation had highlighted was gone. Obviously that is how I was able to enjoy the walk that started out as being more than just inconvenient. My mind cleared up. The anger dissipated. And I even thought about making this a regular thing.

Little did I know that I wouldn't be getting a rental car and that it may in fact be less of a choice and more of a necessity. This morning I left the house at 6:30, fully intending to make that 8.1 mile walk into town again. Rescued by a neighbor just as the rain started. This time I think my thighs are going to take the brunt of the walking. And I am going to have to walk for necessity as well as for enjoyment. If I am reduced to this kind of existence where all of my art supplies are in storage and there is no getting to the library or online as I am accustomed to then the walking is going to keep me from getting all hot and Chernobly on people.