I am being asked by my therapist to make a choice, emotional freedom or hold on to it to be a great writer. If I chose the EFT then I will be emotionally disasociated from the things that I write about. I was only joking about the people who make money with their memoir type stories (ala Wheaton). She said that if I was serious about doing that then we can't do the EFT.
EFT, which I will write about later, would disconnect me from the things that trigger panic attacks and make it easier to get work in a "real" job. So I am at a point which means that I have to actually depend on those skills, writing and art to do anything that will sustain me. Or I have to chose to let that go and do the work that others do.
In a sense I would welcome that only because it would mean that I would finally fit in better. But I have fought homogeny along with other forms of tyranny forever. Orson Welles as Harry Lime in the 3rd Man said that in the most bloody period of Italian politics that society produced DaVinci, Michaelangelo and established some of the greatest art legacies in history while 500 years of Swiss peace produced only the coo-coo clock. Struggle produces. Saftey stagnates. Cookie cutter people and cookie cutter lives to me to seem to be the dry bits that we are forever trying to wash out of our throats with entertainment and invention. Yes vanilla comforts and soothes. But chocolate excites. Chocolate with a bit of pear, or cherry and some chili is an adventure. I am afraid that if I chose to do this then I will lose some of the adventure that makes art making and storytelling so compelling. if I lose that then I lose the biggest definitions of who I am.
What am I if I am not an artist and a writer? Yes a little neurotic. And a bit high strung in certain situations. But if I am not writing and creating I am nothing more than the sum of my job at any point in time.
I am more than a laundry folder.
Am I not?
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