Living in the Past

Been having some really crazy dreams again the past few weeks. Unfortunately nothing entertaining enough like the leviathan in West Bay to report here. I just find it unsettling and more than a little nerve wracking that I am having only nightmares. Yes there is much stress.

My trip to germany is going to be a long way away. Just in time for my cousins wedding, one of the girls at work is taking the Summer off. She decided on rotator cuff surgery right after i told everyone jamie was getting married. And the estate is unsettled again. ugh. So i guess when ever that pittance comes in that is when i am going.

And I am more than a little sad this week. one of the people who is among my favorites i have encountered in this life is planning to run awayin search of the all might dollar. It has been a pleasure to have him in my life even with the difficulties. And i guess I should just be greatful that we were put together again, that i have had the joy of his smile radiate in my direction and be ever more greatful that in this life time i will not watch him die at the hands of his enemies as my own life blood drains from me. Well... maybe i can guess where those night mares are coming from.

and on that note: mayhap being able to tap into the Akashic record is not the boon to humanity that i have always believed. at best it is a double edged sword. i am glad to have had my big brother from two past lives back. i am glad that i will not watch someone run him through with a sword. But i will be very sad that we could not have that life back and that the time in this life is so short together.

Though it is something of a boon to be able to know why we immediately and so strongly connected with each other. We've missed each other greatly. It's been more than 500 years since we have been together, at least that i remember. In this life he does not believe in the mysterious things that churches denounce so i sound as weird to him as I must to those of you who have never heard of the Akashic record. He can't explain why he is always drawn back to me even when i make him madder than a hatter. But i can. No one is going to seperate us in this life... they tried. and it didn't work. We've spent a lot of time apart. We chose each other as family twice in the scope of our mortal lives. it was a vibrant life together albeit very short. No one would want to deprive themselves of such genial company. And i think that in this life that I may be the only person to love him UNCONDITIONALLY. I suffer no delusions on that part for myself. I have lots of conditions placed on me. But the part that i enjoy the most is that the more we are around each other the more i remember those old lives. I kinda blur them together a bit. But i remember the terror and the joy of living in the middle of turmoil. dark days don't last forever. A smile delivered with kindness and free of expectation soothes so many wounds....

Talk about living in the past! Whew!