I have a lot of things running around my head right now. One of them is relationship-centric. One is work-centric. One is a convoluted melange of angst.
ONE: I know a lot of people with relationship issues right now. And most of them stem from a failure to understand boundaries. There is a reason that you set them up BEFORE you get into a relationship. That reason is solely for your protection. Yes. Your protection. Because people who love you are people and sometimes do not know that they can hurt you and will hurt you without even trying. Love is not an absence of hurt but an abundance of forgiveness. But you have to know your limits. You have to know when forgiveness means letting the person go and when it means letting the issue go. Problem with people is that they are people. They have egos. While many would say that a boundary is a great thing to have to keep their loved ones safe from Time Bandits, Emotional Vampires, Money Grubbers, and that select group of individuals we like to call Users or Scrubs, those same people take offense that you need to have a boundary for them. You know because its like you called them User, Scrub, Grubber, Vampire or Bandit.
But the thing about knowing what your limits are and where you are going to draw the line BEFORE you get there is that you can be flexible with those lines when the situation permits or is wise. The other thing with boundaries is that it is true that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. But I know a lot of Ganders right now that seem to think that a personal boundary that keeps them from taking what they is an insult. And they act hurt, angry, sad, and indignant all while sniping and biting at anyone who would dare to look cross-eyed at their own boundaries.
I hang my head and shake it with resolute frustration that the Ganders don't get it and the Geese then decide to abandon their boundaries to keep the Gander. Ladies and Geese: Let your Gander go. Men and Ganders: your ego is not the target of attack. It is not always about you being insulted. Sometimes its just about her staying emotionally healthy. No matter how much you love someone it is not healthy to spend every waking minute thinking about your partner and waiting for him to call. Her every free minute is not for you and you alone. Some of those minutes belong to God. Some of those minutes belong to her. And it is for your own safety that you should respect those boundaries. And yes, my relationship can think this post reflects on him. But its all the guys. I heard a lot of hurt at work today and saw some pretty damaging things happen among our guests that make me think being single is a good idea.
None of us means to hurt someone. It just happens when we forget emotional health. The woman who is always on for everyone else drains her batteries and becomes useless after time. The man who is always guarded pushes people away without meaning to because the special people do not feel special. The man who has no boundaries feels constantly used. The woman with too many boundaries becomes cold no matter how warm the touch.
Flexibility people. Have the boundaries but do not build walls. It took 28 years for the Berlin wall to come down... but some of you do not have the luxury of that kind of time.
ONE MORE: I am looking for a place to live again. I do not know how long I will have steady work. I worry about producing more art and getting the quality photos. I do not worry about selling them. I am having great feed back from my www.moo.com order. I am concerned about a friend at work. I am worried about a Smiling Face with Malice in her Eyes. I am fearful for my family and the conflicts they are enduring right now. I am sad for a special pet who is not doing well. And I have, against every promise I made to myself, fallen in love with an adorable and mutually adoring cat. Wintry Hounds are at my door and it is still part of a balmy Summer. Another friend at work is having trouble with some trust issues. Unfortunately those issues have to do with me and my Accidental Big Mouth and my own Frosty Barrier. There is mild conflict all around me and add that to the potent blend of conflict in the home and you have one very sad Aqaurius that can't find a hug to save her life or anyone else's.
LAST ONE: The work conflict has been building and building. And part of it is me. I work hard and I can not let go of the insults, attacks and outright lies very well. My fellow Aquarians will attest that TRUTH, big truth, little truth, personal truth and the Great Cosmic Truths are the Uberall. And when the truth is not told I want to do unspeakable things in my defense that would make Hannibal blush (Lector not the Elephant Over the Mountains Dude)... 'case you were wondering.) Darkside Aquarius thinking. All in all it is quite a roller coaster in the bowels of our little ship.
So today, as I was getting the run down from the weekly meeting that pertains to where I fall short of the glory of someone other than God, I was actually quite heartened by some news that gives me courage to keep putting on a brave face: my manager was actually considering me for Employee of the Month. It will go to the new maintenance guy. And I guess rightly so. I mean I thought like she did that part-timers were not eligible. So kudos to him. And kudos to me when it happens. I thought that a snow cone had a better shot of an after life in Hell than I did of getting even a nomination. So I am very glad that she thought of me. And while we have been taught to think it a trite and falsely humble thing to say by all the award shows... I really am grateful to have been nominated, even if only in her heart. I felt so much better about things today that the rest of the afternoon was far more productive than it should have been given the way I kept getting called away to do other things.
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