just musing

Today has been one uneventful day. I'm sitting in a coffee shop chatting with some 23 year old kid. Too young. He won't take the hint.
Musing on life in the 80's with the passing of Corey Haim; a gaggle of tweens just walked passed the window looking like Stand By Me the Next Generation.
I'm rather expectantly waiting for an email from someone my own age with some similar interests. Who knows where any of this ever goes. I expect that all of these social experiments are teaching me that I really am still that shy little kid that would rather go unnoticed than Shelly Winters in "Alfie". And can I say with no offense to Ms. Winters.... Thank God!!!!! There may be nothing wrong with being shy and not having a bevy of men to chose to spend a night or day with. For the life of me I can't understand why I ever thought there was.

It isn't like any of these attempts at finding release have yielded anything other than the heart-wrenching or occasionally laugh out loud anecdote. All in all, I have to say that at this point, I can give up any idea I ever had of being some foot-loose and fancy free modern woman. It is, apparently, not within the parameters of my internal software to bed anyone at will. I do require some kind of a relationship in order to perform in that capacity. Surely i did not need to undertake this social experiment to find that out. After all, all of my guy friends have been telling me this for the better part of my life. And nothing has been as fulfilling or come anywhere close to completion like it has in my one past relationship of substantial length or satisfaction.
While it has been nice to practice social skills involved in a first contact situation and I have developed some casual friendships which do not revolve around the topic of sex, I have still managed to fumble when there has been potential for something more than superficiality with or without the topic of sex. In fact....

I have to stop now. In my head I am sounding more and more like Sheldon Cooper with every word, which is leading to the Leonard Hofstader Grimace of Acquiescence.