More Unsolicited Advice

Wil most likely be out of the loop for a few weeks. It has little to do with technical difficulties and a lot to do with a pretty heavy project. Monumental doesn't even really begin to describe the scope of the project. And no... it won't make any money. And it isn't artistic. But it is going to help in the long run.

A lot of times we try to build things in our lives without doing the foundational work. You ge the structures built and it looks great on the outside. Looks like its a lot of fun and it feels comfortable to be in. But when the "weather" and the normal daily wear and tear do their thing your "Thing" be it a job, a relationship or whatever you've built for yourself, starts to show the signs of decay. Repairs don't fix the problem and cosmetic fixes don't work. You don't know why this Thing you've built is falling apart. But you keep sinking your time and resources into the Thing to keep it going. Then it totally falls apart and someone comes along and points out that your support beams weren't sufficient to carry the load.

Simple diagnosis. And had the diagnosis come sooner you could have fixed things so much sooner and had a beautiful Thing instead of a pile of rubble. Oops. That's what you get for listening to the "helpful" people who do mean well but don't know what they are talking about. Its like letting a lawyer diagnosis stage 5 cancer and prescribing treatment. A Lawyer knows law, that's what they should stick to. I know. I know. Friends are there to help. And that is true. But they do not always know what is best for us.

Some of the advice I got years ago camefrom people who are very good at running from their issues and pretending that there are no issues so that was their advice. Not sound. Well meaning, but unwise advice nonetheless. Some people I sought advice from just hd no idea that one thing could be connected to another so their words were uhelpful as I was told that issues were in my head. And still there were some advice givers who were so disconnected from life that they could not give good advice. I didn't see that could be true while I was in crisis mode. So I did more damage to myself by expecting more from my friends than they could give and not doing the one thing that I should have done....

I should have sought professional help. I needed a counselor and a support group. I may not have needed meds. I may not have needed extensive treatment. But I did need to talk to someone who knows the process of recovery and who had the tools to deal with the issues. My friends should hve been relied upon to do what friends do best.... love you, hang with you, a hug you while you are working through something difficult [And in the case of Desperate Housewives maybe they should help bury the bodies] not doing the job of trained professionals. I wouldn't even use a friend who is a trained professional for counseling. They are too close to your crap to be as effective as you need them to be.

So I guess what I am saying is this: if you are going through something painful and difficult and life shattering then go to the bar or the beach with your friends and go to the pros for the heavy lifting. I didn't and the repair work now is going to be enormous.

So is the bill.