So this is Christmas?

The tree is up at work. Dave worked on the thing for two days. The first day did not go smoothly at all as many lights lost their twinkle. As it is a pre lit tree there is little recourse but to try to re-seat each bulb that is dim. Or use the special tool they make for such occaissions... just saying. At any rate... he and Richard got the thing done the second day. A few staffers put together the spikey glitter flakes straight out of a 1950's graphic wallpaper... which actually look pretty amazing once they get in the tree. I imagine that Deb and Sarah are flinging more ornaments into the boughs today while I am off. And in other parts of the city: my friend has his tree up and sounds none too happy about it after we'd made a trip into town for more lights. And from what I saw it looks fabulous against the crisp new paint on the walls, so I am sure he is just being uber critical of himself. The crane was out last weekend to put the enormous tree up downtown and the crews are stringing white lights through the partially clothed deciduous trees lining the streets today. Other hotels have their maintenance men slaving away with the festooning. And me? Well... I'm staring at Matthias Reim's new album cover.

No not that one. The red one.... with all the CHRISTMAS SONGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. Two albums in one year. And me with a frakked speaker system. yes. frakked. and I did it to myself by misunderstanding the application of a few mouse clicks. I have somehow rendered the  computer mute... just in time to enjoy a new Album von Matthias Reim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are flakes in the air and it smells clean and crisp outside. I'm craving grampa's holiday yeast cake and missing everyone terribly. I am also craving a peacock themed tree and the answer to a question burning in me: how did my Jewish grandma cope with the Christian holiday?

I am working on my online designing and planning to deck some halls with a liberal hand. And contemplating what to do for Christmas cards this year. I am thinking simple glittering watercolors. But how simple? And what size? And how many can i do before I get bored?

So I ask myself, this is Christmas? I do not feel it. Maybe it is the very un-Michigan-like lack of snow for this time of year. Which I am thankful for; it is not a complaint but an observation. Or maybe it is the lack of certainty in myself. Though that is precisely what traditions are for, an outward expression of the certainty of cycles and the hope of many more cycles to come. Traditions are made for man so that man can mark time with something slightly more substantial than a faint promise that things will be different later. Though oddly... assuring ourselves that there will always be the tradition/season. That life goes on.

And I guess that is where I am at with the holidays this year. I am in need of the assurance that the setbacks of the past two years are only of the past two years and that there will come a time when I again am hosting a celebration rather than being the guest. I am not comfortable in this role. I was brought up to host. In the church, at school, at home... groomed to be a little Martha Stewart before we ever knew who the heck she was. I've had seasons to host. And now it is time to be the guest. But I'd rather host. So for now there is work and friends and Matze.

And the faith that this is only a season that too shall pass onto a lighter season of frutifulness.