I've met four Jewish guys. They are passionate about what they believe. Each of them has a black and white, all or nothing, point of view. ACG is a "you are or you aren't" conservative. The engineer that I haven't written much about was great company, right up until the conversation went toward the mystical. He thought I was smart, smarter than he initially thought, but I am dangerous because of my mystic tendencies. But he thought that we would be a good match because we shared some physical traits. The NYC guy seems to want to go out but his hang ups prevent him. He will not change his mind for any reason. And now there is the guy in MA.
MA has a one track mind. I'm on that track. I am that track.
I only know what is in his profile, which is all wonderful. But after two conversations he is in love and has planned the honeymoon. I accept this because I have seen from these guys on this site that once they know what they want, once they believe something they have no ambivalence like my silly aquarian self. I still wish that I had more an emotional connection to him than I do. I want to know more about his life... I don't need to know what he is thinking all of the time. But I do need to feel that mind connection. Residue from my Vulcan studies? Maybe. But girls are like that. Shoot, I went to school with He Who for ten years before I noticed him. And then it took a common interest in a character in a set of books he told me I wouldn't like because I am a girl. And that guy in MQT, that wasn't immediate. As a matter of fact, he scared me for the first few days that we worked together. i need to connect with him more.
It is very easy to listen to his professions of love. And I want so much to belong to someone. But I still want to be myself and I want him to be himself. I have a suspicion that I could be co opted for that Stepford collective if I'm not careful. I also think that could be a deal breaker for him. I don't want to be anyone but me and I don't think he knows enough about me beyond my looks.
And I grant you, I posted a very flattering picture which disguises my rosacae and hides my herniated bulge. But he says I am gorgeous... all the time. Yes, thanks for asking, he does have glasses. No, I doubt he needs to up his script.
On the upside, when I hear his voice, my chakras get all whirly and light. My body feels light and I have this overwhelming sense of peace. So in that sense he is perfect. I haven't seen his picture so I can't read his eyes. That I think is holding me up. I've loved people's profiles enough to contact them to be friends. But without a good vibe from the soul that is reflected in the eyes, I am not one hundred percent all in on this one.
Keep your fingers crossed. The photos should arrive today or tomorrow. I am hoping that he has an amazing soul that mine recognizes as someone who can affect tikkun.
I am hoping that this is not a relationship in which I will find myself drowning again.
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