circumstances require adaptation

My brain is fried. I spent way too much of my morning on an incredibly long email in which psychology and life choices were disseminated. As I am looking for a place to live that is more permanent than brother's basement, one of my friends is trying to match me with one of his friends who is trying to keep from losing his house. No danger of foreclosure there. It's just that circumstances change and require adaptation. So while my friend is concerned for both of us, we are throwing some roadblocks up to his help. That has to stop. Rob doesn't do these things lightly. If he didn't see a good pairing he wouldn't have suggested it. If either of us keeps this up we are both going to lose.

I've been going through housemates like the Hulk through a brick wall. Given some recent comments about the strength of my personality and convictions, I have given some thought to the possibility that I am not ever going to blend with anyone. Rob points out that there is not a single person on the face of this planet save perhaps the Dali Lama (and even then Rob isn't so sure) who can like and get along with every single person. It is not a slight to me that my happy ass Aquarius self is having trouble finding a good fit. Not even astrologers would say our open personality means we can throw caution and discernment to the wind and let Life make living choices for us. It just takes time to find a good match.

Sometimes it also takes someone who is not you to find that match. There is a reason that our friends are in our lives. Sometimes it is the hug in crisis, sometimes the beer in crisis. Sometimes they are supposed to tell you that you're being a baby and sometimes they tell you to stick to your convictions. I hate it when my friends ask me for help and don't take the advice or blunder headlong into Bedlam.

One of the reasons I am resistant to Rob's suggestion, even in my desperation to be out of my brother's house both for his family's sake and mine, is that I am desperate. Truly, factually and unavoidably desperate. In my relatively short history, I have never made good choices in desperation. It puts your mind in panic mode. You bolt without looking. You miss obvious trails and end up diving off cliffs. Desperation makes you do things that are so hard to undo. But this is not my choice. I didn't go looking for this housemate. The housemate was arranged. How do I know it will work?

Well my friend isn't desperate. He is thinking clearly and rationally. I trust him to know better than to mess up two friendships by mismatching us. And I trust my friend to tell me when I am being stupid and when I am being smart enough to know better. In this case I am being both and Rob is good at finding balance. I don't know that Rob's friend would ever have advertised on craigslist or put an add in the paper. So I would not have found this situation on my own. And let's be honest... I'm not always going to know what is best for me. It is hubris to think so. I've got to learn trust sometime. Rob may be an excellent teacher. Like I said, it is in his interest not to ruin two friendships with a foolish choice.

Today's blog entry is one in which I want us to think about how much control we exert on our own lives fruitlessly. While the American spirit values independence from tyranny of all kinds it does not do so in favor of blind stupidity. Each of us, because we are beautifully flawed humans, has a stupid blind streak running through us. We also, because we are human, are capable of learning and adapting and thus improving our lives by making better choices. We can deviate from paths that do not serve us well. I am choosing to loosen the tight-fisted grip I have on my freedom of choice and easing up a bit on the insistence that I am the only one who can make good choices for me. Clearly that is not the case. I must be open to the wisdom of others in my life. And I am smart enough to know the wise from unwise.