the one where I learn about telegraphing

So I guess we're all rather familiar with some of the tricks that 5 year-olds play. You know the one that goes "I didn't eat all the cookies!" as the last morsel is being crammed into a mouth ringed with crumbs and before you accuse them of eating all the cookies? It's also like the "I'm Not Touching You." announcement. In either case, some kids who couldn't take a hint when punished for lying grow up to be adults who tell the same kind of lies. The thing is that you don't suspect adults who make announcements like that to be lying. But they are.

At least 80% of the time anyway. I give 20% Benefit of the Doubt but personally, I think its a 100%. So lest you've never come across this situation or you have and failed to recognize it, this one is for you. It is called Telegraphing. It's artless and clumsy. In martial arts telegraphing is something that an inexperienced or classless opponent does that tells you how to counter an offense. Often it is subtle and hard to recognise. In poker it's when your face lights up after the draw. That little gleam in your eye just told everyone at the table that you have a better hand than you had. Telegraphing.

Typically telegraphing is an unsolicited, pre-accusatory statement with no context in a conversation at hand. When you hear any of the following, especially if it skips your record and makes the voice inside your head say something like "who said you did/would?" then be very cautious about continuing associations with the speaker.

"I'd never go after him/her because I know how much you like him/her." He/She will.

"I hate people who play games." translation: "Let the games begin!"

"I wouldn't do (insert action in place of *that*) that to someone." He/She will.

"You know how I am, I'd never..." (fill in the blank) He/She does.

"I can't stand a gossip." Biggest gossip

This is by no means a comprehensive list. But they are the most common indicators that you are about to be had by an artless dodger. I've run into all of them in the last 6 months. And I was taken because it didn't occur to me that some people never mature beyond their high school selves. Which, given the lecture that Spence gave the group on Criminal Minds, should have been less likely. Cynical? Perhaps. But I like to think of cynicism as the short cut to peace of mind.