Singlehood and Geekdom

Been contemplating the issues of being a single woman again. Mostly because there is some financial pressure right now. This pressure highlights for me the errors in my thinking. The issue is foremost because of work as well. It would seem that single people are responsible for making life easier on co-workers with families. I thought that the other family members were responsible for making the co-worker's life easier not me. I get no benefits from accommodating people who were not smart enough to make good relationship decisions in their past but am regarded as heartless if I do not. I didn't make anyone marry "the Chad" (see Charlie's Angels for reference) and bear his kids so I don't know why I have to accommodate them. I did not make anyone steal from a previous employer which eliminates the possibility of them working somewhere else. But I am the one who has to cater to that co-worker. It was his/her mistake so why do I have to compensate for it?

Single people get to take all the crap because we are seen with lesser status. I don't know if that statement is true but it sure feels that way. I am still a human being. I have a life. And my life needs to be respected as well. I need a little help right now. I don't see anyone at work giving me the prime shift so that I can go out and get stuff done. I get the "You made the mess you fix it" thing from my family. And essentially the same thing from the co-workers. There is single. Then there is disconnected.

I think that has been the problem. I have been disconnected. If there were a group to be intimately connected to that is like a family but the connections were made completely by choice then this wouldn't feel so unsettling. A church, social group or even a sport or social club would go a long way to solving some of my issues. My brother has a friend who is looking for work. He made a round of phone calls. Then my brother made a round of phone calls. The friend will probably be at work inside a week. But if it is me then I get the you should do this this and this. If I were to get the same kind of help then it would take resources from someone that brother deems more worthy of that kind of help.

Friends, if you chose to be single do so with your eyes wide open. It means freedom in a lot of respects. There are no arguments about where to go for dinner or what movie to see. But in the realm of finance it does require far more vigilance. YOU are the only income stream. YOU are the one who has to fix mistakes. YOU are the one who is responsible. Don't do single alone. And don't do single without thought to the things that we have taken for granted in the past: saving money, planning a retirement. We need to consider this far more seriously than our married counterparts because the only one looking out for those of us who are singles by choice and lifestyle is US. When you are 80 who is paying for that nursing home?

Sure we might have a society that will let someone put us out of our misery when we are infirm. But if you are 80 and still function but just a hell of a lot slower you don't need a bullet you need someone to mow the yard and help make meals... maybe do laundry. You need assisted living and it won't be free. You can't be 40 and live like a teenager. Trust me it doesn't work. I didn't think too much about these things when I decided that I wasn't going to marry. I'm 40 and struggling in ways I never thought possible. I won't say mind over matter is a lie. But there are things for which I do not have enough brain power to influence outcomes. And that is where I see the greatest difference in being Single and being Alone.

Sooo.... I have joined a small social group. I will get networking assistance to fix some problems. But that too is a relationship and there will be dues to pay, accommodations to make and resources to reciprocate. All those things that I didn't think about make me wonder what I was thinking in the first place. Rushing out and getting married isn't the answer for a lot of us. Some of us are plain scared to make mistakes with another person based on what we've seen not work with others. Some of us just don't have an interest. I get that. Moreover I respect that. But you need to be connected within the realm of your interests so that when there are issue you can deal with them responsibly... even just for the sake of your sanity.