I would have thought Spring would be the season for everyone to be seeking out new partners after the disappointments of that Mid-Winter jealousy fest known as Valentines Day. After the depressing long dark days of winter it is natural that people would start looking forward to brighten their lives. I never think of Autumn as that season. autumn is crisp and bejewelled in a riot of colors that herald the coming holiday seasons. It is the last chance for freedom before we seclude ourselves indoors for more of what drove us nuts last year. So why is everyone so amorous?
For being horribly new to the online scene, I find I am succumbing to the lure of potential lifelong happiness, sharing winter drudgery with someone. It is, of course to soon to know how this will all pan out. And of course one doesn't rush headlong into something with blindfolds. Shoot, I get into trouble running with my eyes open. Remind me to tell you all how I sliced my ear off while setting the Thanksgiving table at the tender age of 7 going on "I can do this myself you big meanie." And then there was BJ. Chris set me up with his buddy because we all love star gate. I enjoyed talking to BJ very much since we had so much in common. But when we met there were not reciprocating sparks. That would not have been bad because he said that he would love to have a girl for a sci-fi buddy because they were hard to find in his smaller town than I live in. He never called again. so much for the words matching the action. Chris fortunately laughed it all off and kept talking to both of us. But I was left going WTF!
And now I have ACG to talk to. He's great fun. He's great mental gymnastics. and he is... best of all... kindred. Other people are not. BJ wasn't, but when you have an isolating job like newspaper delivery you don't turn down opportunities. So where am i with this?
Not sleeping. I was too amped last night to sleep. And in something of a quandary. I want us both to be careful. we are too much alike in regard to our trusting natures. And those types hurt each other without ever meaning to so easily that my gut reaction is to preserve this thing, what ever it is under glass. I don't want to lose what is here. I want there to be more than meets the eye. And I this to be as easy to accomplish as I have the faith that it can be.
I am about to go into heavy meditation mode. Verta hates it when i go into my head like that. But I have to really investigate what this means to me beyond the obvious infatuation with some one's mind and humor. I've been racing through my days to get to a computer which is sooooooooooooo not like me. And maybe I don't need to go into my head. Maybe I need to go into my heart.
Okay, duh, I need to go there. But I need to spend sometime there. I didn't think that the first person I talked to would turn out to be this awesome. No, the Brit doesn't count cause that wasn't really talking. And obviously no pics guy didn't talk to me. This is really talking. And with the added security for both of us that we are who we say we are... we have archived blogs to prove it! I just wasn't prepared for such a quick response. I know, my psychic friends would tell me to always be prepared for an answer even if that answer is "Hah! You're kidding right?" pastors galore have said the same thing. But as usual not prepared. And now I am in almost panic mode.
I don't know why. The only things to fear are the monsters under the bed/in the closet/behind the door. Since ACG can't be any of those I must be plain old being dumb. Or... it could be the fan-girl thing. We always are dumb around people we like/almost worship/are fans of. Maybe it's just the sweaty handshake mumbling disease. One of the things I am afraid of in meeting ACG is that I will have nothing dazzlingly witty and brilliantly funny to say in person like I say in my blog/e-mail/imagination. I am afraid that in person I will be a total dweeb.
ACG will say the same thing to me. "Be yourself." That's easy for some one to say who doesn't feel constantly compelled to be "on". But then... I assume that is a condition exclusive to myself. I only have to read comments to the last Wheaton post to know that's not true.
Mega huge OY!
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