Lots I should do but doing all the things I shouldn't do

I love blogging. I know my house mate doesn't quite get it. There was a fairly long streak of sunshine today so I took advantage of the light and dashed off a few shots for future posts. It took a bit of time. I lost some light to setting up and digging through boxes. But I did get some good shots. And I am looking forward to using them to illustrate some posts.... hmmm... I said that.

I know this is a weird geeky thing that I do. I also know that I will probably never write for National Geographic, Omni, Martha Stewart Living or any other magazine that I wanted to write for when I was in high school. And as I am kinda regressing to that high school mentality that I had I think there is a good psychological reason for what I am doing. I just don't care to parse the meanings right now. I just want to create. I want to write. I want to write a magazine. Welcome to blogging!

And part of having a magazine is having the glorious pictures to go with it. Somerset Studio is also responsible for my drive to make a pretty blog thanks to its artful blogging magazine. And its part of the process to be alone. By alone I mean in the company of cats who don't give a fig what I am doing as long as I am quiet, don't move them and feed or pet on demand. One of the reasons artists create alone is that it is easier to focus. The other reason is so that they don't have to explain themselves....

as I had to when she came home unexpectedly.
... and caught me doing things that were not on the agenda, because this is still an issue

Caught in the act of setting a photo shoot like I'm a friggin pro with a pay check is kinda embarrassing. And I had to explain myself. And the reasoning. I tried to deflect with a potato casserole but that didn't work. Ugh! She is going to find out how weird I am. And with any luck that weirdness won't mean having to move. It's not like I destroyed the house....

It's just more of the pointless stuff that she doesn't get.
More of the pointless stuff that few people get.... unless they are the kind of people who like the things that I like. Or, family who might like to remember through an online scrapbook of sorts. After all... isn't this really what it will turn into in the long run?

My nieces and nephews are going to wonder who the hell their Aunt Sherry was. I don't see them enough for them to know me in person. So all that there will be is the blogging. And even that won't be 100% representational.

I should be doing a lot of things besides taking photos for the blogs. But I had good light. Gotta grab it when you can. And I am a bit distracted by two issues and can't really focus my brain on the must do list. The only one I feel I can talk about is money. It's going to be a long Winter. This whole kidney thing just sucks. And the struggle to figure out what I want to be when I grow up is not making the money easier. The other thing I can not talk about is tomorrows lunch.

I have a date. And I don't want to obsess about what to where. Who the boy is and how to make a great impression. I'm impressed as hell with him already. But I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about all the things that have gone wrong in the past. I don't want to think about the past in terms of boys that coulda, mighta and didn't. I don't want to think about the shouldn't in the past. And so I am avoiding the basement. The past is down there. Gramma & Grampa past I can handle. But the past relationships have random tokens tucked into each box. And I am just not willing to sabotage a first date by thinking about other dates.

So here I am... frittering the day away with things that I should not be doing.

Oh God where do the days off go?

Hoarder or collector?

I got called a hoarder the other day and I am not sure how I feel about it. It was meant as a tease but someone else called the name caller an ass. So maybe it wasn't a tease. So I got to thinking. What is the difference between hoarding and collecting?

I don't know the answer. I just wonder. It was said in the "dirty German" book that Germans are notorious collectors an have some of the weirdest obsessions. Geeks have a weird neurotic component to being a geek and that is to have a collection of things that they love. As tastes change some geeks will be able to part with things. Some geeks can not throw or give anything away. And I think that is where the hoarding is visibly manifest. Hoarders can not part with anything. So hoarding is actually a symptom of a deeper emotional problem and not a characteristic of a personality type? I think so.

My mom collected. My mom was messy. Was she a hoarder? Since no one's health was in danger form her collections and there wasn't garbage everywhere I would have to say if she was it was mild. But here's the thing. She was also the family archivist. And as such, she was obliged to keep the families traditions in tact. Our families "treasures" came in the form of hard fought objects gathered during the dark days of the depression, or things that came from Germany.

In some ways I am also the family archivist. When there is a question I am the first one asked. And if there is a question of "whatever happened to....." the answer will be "I have it. Are you ready to take it home now?" So a lot of the stuff that I have is in holding.

Now that is not to say that I don't have traditional geeky obsessions. I've said it before & I will wear my fan-pride proudly by saying again: I have every album Matthias Reim has made. And a few compilations from record company aggregators.

•  I almost have all of Castle's Nikki Heat books.
• Every season and movie of Stargate SG-1.
• Every Sherlock Holmes Jeremy Brett made.
• Every season of MacGyver
• I've had all the Dragonlance books. Twice.
• Nearly complete Sherilynn Kenyon Dark Hunter novel
• Every season of Frasier
• Every one of Stings albums except Mercury Rising.
• I collect art supplies in much the same way that I do books and movies. If I find a kind of ink I like I get a lot of the inks in the line. If I find a color I love I get it in as many varieties as I can. So I have a lot of art supplies.
• And rubber stamps.
• and quilting fabric.

But the  thing is. I use what I collect. It's just not out of the boxes because the storage situation in the house is a bit weird. And I am not sure where it all should go. Now there are quite a few things that will have to go. I know that. And I am ready for that. I just want everything done now and because it isn't I get overwhelmed.

The other part of this equation is the things that I collect. I like celebrating the seasons. We did this with school, I did it with daycare. And to some extent my mom made seasonal changes in the way that she decorated the house. Martha Stewart kinda made this a solid thing for me. It is a tradition that is hard for me to do without. But because I have done without it is hard for me to find the groove for it again. So I am trying to figure out if the mojo for home decorating and entertaining is going to kick in.

I am also surrounded by people who never embraced or indulged (I'm not sure which is the word) in these kinds of things. There were not everyday and holiday dishes in the families of some of the people that I am surrounded by. There was in our house. There were Summer dishes and Winter dishes. Cottage dishes and home dishes. It wasn't just for us. It was for the company that came.

We changed up place settings to indicate that something special was coming. Every day dishes at Easter or Christmas were frowned upon. My mom used to say that treating a special occasion like an everyday thing made it cheap and pointless. Setting the table with linens, sparkling "fancy" dishes and the crystal serving bowls was a ritual that helped us put our heads around the fact that company was coming; we were supposed to behave better than we did every day and, especially the case with Christmas and Easter, there was something important going on that you needed to pay attention to.

Of course some people who neither could afford "fancy" settings nor learned the art of entertaining just call it fancy, putting on airs and snobbish. Then decide that you are acting like you are either better than you really are or that you are better than them.  Who sets the better table: Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart? Who needs a Martha Stewart Living photo shoot with each holiday meal?

Entertaining may have a bit of showing off in it. Without a doubt I tried very hard to meet my mother's expectations when she came to my house for dinner. And then I took a few steps beyond that. So I did compete with mom. We did the show-off show-down. In my heart I can honestly say with everyone else who has eaten at a well set table in my house, it was set especially for the occasion so that they felt appreciated. it isn't about the hard work that goes into planning a dinner, preparing the food and setting a table. It's about treating your friends and family like royalty.... or as close as you can get in your pay scale.

I learned, from a few sources, to appreciate entertaining as a gift of hospitality. Elevating an evening meal from the mundane to the magnificent redirects your attention, brings intent back to the activity. Without intent its just a boarding house scramble to pile food into your face and get away from everyone else as quick as possible. Setting a table closer to proper than paper plates or eating over the sink encourages people to linger. It also encourages better manners than the boarding house grab. Not always, but most of the time.

I do have a lot of stuff. I have a lot of stuff as a family vault. But I also have a lot of stuff because I see it as tools to creating a comfortable and comforting atmosphere. These days I am surrounded by people who are into minimalism for the sake of getting through the day faster and not for the sake of simplicity. To me it seems slap dash, unintentional and meaningless to do things that way. Yes, it would be easier to eat off of paper plates and not have things to dust. But when does the special come in?

I guess this all has me thinking because I felt a little judged. And I've felt a lot judged recently. It's a pretty even line of being accused of being "too good" for some and "not good enough" for others. This is a horrible place for someone like me who is a people pleaser trying to learn to take care of herself, who needs rituals to make life make sense. I am literally stuck in the middle. Of course on the subject of being fancy (anything not white is fancy) one could argue that the act of bringing the fancy dish to the potluck is judging those who aren't "fancy" as being not good enough.

And calling me a hoarder somehow makes that assumption of judgment better. I should not care so much what other people think of me. I should just do my own thing and let others do theirs and not worry so much what goes on in their heads. If only it would stay in their heads.

And I still don't know if I am a hoarder or just a collector.

Seriously America?

As you well know I loved the first episode of Broadchurch. I've love British TV for a long time and have spent most of these last 6 months catching up on all sorts of goodies. So today I, as I am contemplating the feasibility of another trip to the doctor's office, I am cruising Google UK for some updates. And what do I find?

Fox wants in on the Broadchurch action.  Really?

SyFy remade Being Human. And that is a good show. But SyFy is about Science fiction and can be trusted to do things right. Love the show. Not sure the network isn't going bat shit crazy (Sharknado. Ugh. And that name change! Still bristling.) CBS has Elementary which I've already said is not as good as Sherlock if you are a purist.

BritTV is the domain of PBS. It means that we sometimes have to wait a little longer to see something like Masterpiece and Mystery! but it is always worth the wait. And PBS does a great job building its own programming.

FOX. FOX on the other hand is only really good at pissing people off. I hope that Chris Chibnall has a great experience with them as the executive director. He better have a great experience. Doubts abound on that score because FOX is well.... FOX. It steam rolls everyone until they can prove that they have more value than FOX's concerns. Matt Groening and Seth McFarlane have both had their share of grief and threats from FOX executives regarding content and style. American TV is really good about being formulaic. And once it finds a formula it likes it has to convert everything into that formula.

I think that is why we don't have our own Doctor Who. THANK GOD! And it is why we don't have our own Downton Abbey. So why do we have to have our own Broadchurch? Because Fox programs lost too many shares to BBC programs in Britain? It's Britain. Let them have their own stuff! And let them share with us. Why do American fingers have to get sticky with everyone else's creative juices only to water it down in the end?

Sometimes I doubt very little why the rest of the world hates us. We force feed our products down people's throats and when their product is presented to America it is changed so much from the original that no one recognizes it any more. And if American execs at FOX make Chris miserable there is little doubt this will be the last time anyone agrees to work with us. If they would take a few chances in developing programming they would not be losing shares all over the place. Formulas get old. When programming gets stale people lose interest. That is more than half of the reason that I am watching something besides American television. I've watched all the Criminal Minds I can watch. After 8 seasons its the same show. Same with CSI, NCIS and everything else I was watching.

One of my other concerns about this maneuver is the casting. We all know a huge part of what makes the show is the cast. If you've a great premise and an awesome script and you cast the wrong people you have a disaster. Part of why I tuned into Broadchurch was because I miss David Tennant's Doctor (And he is soooooooooooo not Ten). The show doesn't rest on his acting chops; I was hooked before he showed up. Casting, though, is huge. And casting an actor with a following as devoted as David Tennant's is simply brilliant.

I love Broadchurch. But I don't think that the American grown audience is going to that big into the show. It's about a kid dying under suspicious circumstances and it is dark. I just don't know that we can do it justice. I don't know that FOX can do it justice. Dear God I hope they treat Chris better than I think that they will.

#FangirlIssues

So this being my first day off of the week I am trolling facebook for all the geek-worthy news and updates from friends and family that I missed because of work. All in all it is a good day for trolling. There is a controversial new book written by Rezi Aslan that has Fox News in a lather. Along with all the Christians who like to conveniently forget from what humble beginnings their savior comes. It's food for thought, a matter to mull over until I can compose a suitable essay on the matter. Religious studies is one of my long term Geek Studies that makes me happy happy to explore. Then there is this absolute travesty of Geek Matters: http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia/2013/07/vote-in-the-anglo-fan-favorites-tournament-men-of-2013-round-1/2/

BBC-America is having us (ANGLOS) vote for man of the year. Round one is between Benedict Cumberbatch (zing zing zing) and Richard Armitage (zing zing zing). How in the name of all that is dear to the heartstrings is a fangirl supposed to chose between the two of them?! HOW? Dear God... I could no sooner chose my favorite star in the Heavens. Oh wait that is a lie. I am quite partial to Rigel in the Orion star cluster. But then there is Aldebran in Taurus. And Deneb in Cygnus...

See!!!!!!!!!!!! I can not chose!

I've been part of the Armitage Army since 2006 before I even knew we were an army. And I am a Cumberbitch. I can not chose in terms of first come first served because the intensity of the fandom is so strong in this one.

New Kirk old Kirk is easy. New Kirk. But I'd rather no Kirk at all.
New Spock Old Spock? Old Spock.
Enterprise-A Enterprise-D? D
Kirk or Picard. Duh... Picard.
Pepsi or Coke? Dr. Pepper.
Four, Ten or Eleven? The choice in Doctors is difficult. Four will always be my first love. And both 10 & 11 are endearing. But Ten is really the one that I'd watch over and over again.
Bond? Connery and Dalton.

Ugh! There goes the ambivalent Aquarius rearing its ugly yet indecisive head. And it isn't like you can do a legit pro and con list for Richard or Benedict. I like them for entirely different reasons. They are the two sides of the Force. Richard is admittedly "bad tempered and moody" and thus the Paragon of the romantic notion of Tall Dark and Handsome. Classic features and piercing eyes and that voice... slices right through me every time. And Benedict has classic features, granted they run toward the "quirky" side of British looks, piercing eyes and a voice that would slice through granite too. Also a Paragon: Tall, Dark and Winsome. Both are self proclaimed Geeks, "square" by Richard's description having spent a good deal of time with their noses in books as kids. In fact, if my math is correct, Richard and I read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy during the same Summer vacation.

What's not to love?

And they both have very interesting senses of humor. Benedict has a similar sense of humor to mine except he is better at physicality, mugging for a camera than I am. And Richard has the same shy, retired approach to humor with people he is not oft around. So if it is true that we are attracted to those that are most like us (or our earliest role models) I'd not be able to chose between them based on humor either.

So what then shall be the tie breaker? Both of them are absolutely appreciative of the fans. And are generous as the Wheaton with them. So the element of sweetness is not a clear determination. There is no way to chose.

And then if I could chose, in subsequent rounds they would be pitted against Ten and Eleven. It is a hopeless thing to have to chose the parts of my heart to celebrate. I am an Aquarius. We are the epitome of "wanting everyone to get along and feel loved. Loyal to a fault."

What might sway me is knowing there are uncommon shared interests. For instance, if I knew one of them listened to some of the not very mainstream music I like. But neither of them can admit to liking musicals. As the backstage talk for ST:NG indicates that busting out into broadway hits was something that Frakes did a lot, I tend to think that is something that most actors do. Not because they are swishy but because the high school musical production is where most of them start acting so it is a common enough language. And there is, admittedly, nothing funnier than singing familiar lyrics wrong just to piss the purists off. Not saying Riker did that as Wil has never said that was the case... but... it is within the realm of possibility.  Maybe knowing someone likes Eurodance versions of classic 60s, 70s and 80s music (Let's Dance from Vinylmoverz on the 80s Reloaded album is playing on Spotify- you know, cause I am weird like that).

I don't know. Something has to help me decide when it comes to polls like that.

But I would never chose otherwise. I like my FangirlDanceCard to be completely full.

Obsessions

They are part and parcel of geek life. Most of mine are healthy obsessions, outlets for creativity or inspiration for my art work. I am not one of those people who likes fan fiction. I wrote my share when I was younger. When I realized that all I was creating was 1 new friend and 1 or 2 new enemies for the Enterprise-D and just parroting the crew I gave up. Not because it wasn't good to exercise my writing muscles, but because they were not the stories that wanted to come out of me. And the stories that want out are taking their time getting here. But that is fine. They will come when they are ready.
I am however one of those people who likes to learn all there is about the thing for which I am a fan and to experience the creative fan love of other fans.

My latest obsession, if I haven't mentioned it before, is Richard Armitage. And as usual, I find none of my immediate geek friends even know who I am talking about... until we mention the Hobbit. But apparently in my little recessed corner of Geekdom, because Thorin is not the hot bodied character that the elves or Aragorn are no one has noticed him. Of course I notice him because I spent 3 seasons drooling over Guy Gisbourne. But I can't seem to convince my girlfriends a. that he really isn't a dwarf, b. that if he is a dwarf he is the tallest one in history, c. that of all the dwarves he is the cutest one and that d. no actor is ever the sum of a single role and he totally deserves a thorough look see. To prove my point, I posted this picture from the internet (I honestly have not figured out how to link back to anyone. So should the copyright holder like to come forward I will gladly give proper attributions)

I guess since I have not been terribly persuasive I will have to enjoy his artistry along with the fans in other parts of the world who think that I am slow to board the Armitage Train. And thus I am brought back to one of the prickly parts of the Geek puzzle: how? how is it that I am so alone in my obsessions?

 I know that I do not comprise the entirety of the Armitage Army, I am not the only RDA fan on the planet. But apparently in my little corner of Michigan I am the only Matthias Reim fan and the only Richard Armitage fan and the only one who can watch BBC programs and recognize character actors on sight. Oh, did I mention that I have a horrible habit of listing a nearly complete filmography in the processs of OMG OMG OMG OMG-ing?  I did get my roommate to join me on the last few episodes of Robin Hood. And while she concurs that he is the most likeable and sympathetic of Gisbournes, this is not her kind of TV. Which might mean that I will have to have her watch North and South. Between the two of us we might have all the most recent versions of English Lit on Film. So that would be worth sitting through. Can't help it, I love a good swashbuckler.

In my expanded geek circles, the circle that encompasses the group of friends I had in high school who went some where outside of Michigan to seek their fortunes it is quite a different story. I was the only trekkie in the group. But I am not alone in my love of British TV.... except that I am still the only one on this side of the pond who actually knows who Jeremy Brett is and mourns his loss even with the wonderful new Holmes that we have in Benedict Cumberbatch.

I guess that is always going to be the way of the Geek. The Venn Diagram just can't cover everything and everyone. But does that center shape have to be so friggin empty? Who knows, may be by being the geek that I am and loving the things that I love the way that I do and without apology, without hiding it from family who will not understand, I will meet more people who share the things that I love. And the magic will happen with the gift of the Internet if it will not happen with the blessing of physical proximity.

At any rate, if you have never met one of his characters you do yourself a disservice. He is wonderfully in tune with every character that he has portrayed that I have seen. It is said that once in character he does not come out of character until filming is over. That kind of dedication to the craft is very much evident and makes him all the more valuable in an ensemble. And he is also one of the most fan-friendly stars. It seems to be the way of the non-American types. If you get a chance to meet him, be respectful of his time. But at least smile and send a cheerful wave of support his way. People don't like to have tea interrupted or be groped by strangers, but a show of solidarity is always good karma for both parties.

Well off to find more RA videos on You Tube. Guy and the Sheriff mashed with Pinky and Brain is priceless.

Narf!

Herzlichen Gluckwunsch zum Geburtstag Matze!

french styled macaroons from Simply Cupcakes of Traverse City
 

Celebrating birthdays is fun when they are not your own. I hate my own birthday so I turn the attention to Mozart that day. And birthday celebrations just remind us that we have someone truly special in our lives without whom things would be dull, lifeless or just plain boring. So I throw a little party for one and send out this open letter to Matze.



Ihre Musik macht mein schweres Herz leichter. Ich hatte mich selbst gefunden stürmischen Gewässern innerhalb einer Beziehung. Hoffnungen wurden enttäuscht. Confusion gesetzt in. ich mich, "wie konnte ich missverstanden haben" gefragt. Die Zeichen waren klar. Er sagte, dass er mich wollte. Er erzählte unsere Freunde, er wollte mich. Dennoch war mein Herz in Knoten verdreht ... gebrochen kalt und leer.

Jetzt muss ich auch meine glücklichen Ort zu finden. Ich wandte mich dann an die Musik, die ich in der Schule kannte. Um Youtube! Während ich die bekannten Lieder von meinem alten Mixed Tape gesucht, fand ich eine interessante Ikone ... ein Herz in einem verschlossenen Kette gebunden. Ich klickte. Der Song gestartet. Von der ersten Musik-Note wurde ich neugierig. Von der ersten Note, die Sie sang, war es zu lieben. Viermal Ich hörte, ohne zu sehen Video. Das fünfte Mal sah ich. Ich wusste, dann waren wir Seelenverwandtschaft.

Das Lied? Lebenslänglich. So begann die Besessenheit. Ich musste all Ihre Musik, die ich finden konnte, haben. Schnell ersetzen Sie die anderen: Herbert Grönemeyer, Spider Murphy Gang, Geier Sturzflug, Paola, Munchener Freiheit und ja ... vor allem Roland Kaiser. Ich auf dich hören ausschließlich.

Das war im Mai 2010, nachdem mein valentine Massacre. Jetzt sind fast drei Jahre später mein Herz ist warm und klar. Ihre Musik erfüllt mich mit Licht. Meine Seele tanzt auf jeden Ton. Mit Ihrer Musik ... ich bin unverwundbar.

Danke. Und heute, an deinem Geburtstag, ich wünsche Ihnen alles Friede, Freude und Glück, das Sie geben, um wieder zu euch kommen. Und mit dem neuen Album Konzertreise Ich wünsche Ihnen viel Gesundheit.

immer und ewige
Sherry


in English

Your music makes my heavy heart light. I had found myself in stormy waters within a relationship. Hopes were dashed. Confusion set in. I asked myself, "how could I have misunderstood".The signs were clear. He said that he wanted me. He told our friends that he wanted me. Yet my heart was twisted in knots ... broken cold and empty.

Now I need to find my happy place again. I turned to the music which I knew in high school. To Youtube! While I searched for the familiar songs from my old mixed tape, I found an interesting icon ... a heart tied in a locked chain. I clicked. The song started.  From the first note I was curious. From the first note you sang, it was love. Four times I heard the music without wathcing the video. The fifth time I watched it. I knew we were kindred.

The song? Lebenslanglich. Thus began the obsession. I had to have all of your music that I could find. Quickly you replaced the others: Herbert Grönemeyer, Spider Murphy Gang, Geier Sturzflug, Paola, Munchener Freiheit and yes ... especially Roland Kaiser. I listen to you exclusively.

That was in May 2010, after my valentine Massacre. Now almost three years later, my heart is warm and clear. You rmusic fills me with light. My soul is dances to every note. With your music ... I am invulnerable.

Thank you. And today on your birthday I wish you the peace, joy and happiness that you give, to come back to you. And with the new album concert tour I wish you good health.

always and forever
Sherry

Inspired by a Loud Bird

I'll warn you now... I am starting to feel a bit obsessive about peacocks and peacock motifs. It isn't really new. When I was in Utherverse I was throwing peacock themes into my Glassmalerei Wintergarten because they just lend themselves to the magic of stained glass windows. But I loved them in the 80s, along with heraldry and big chunky baubles. And as of late, while I have been working on the watercolor for the Christmas card, I've really gone over the deep end.

So as I do some research and submerge myself in the motif I'll probably share some amazingly boring facts that really might only excite me. For instance: Did you know that peacocks and pheasants are from the same avian family? I am going to quess quail are in the lot too. I had no idea. And I had no idea that they are commonly called spurge.

My dad had a different name for pesky birds: scourge. So not the same thing but may as well be for as welcome as any of them ever were on the farm.

Well, I am off to research and plot some paintings and what not. Most likely I will develop some images for rubber stamps too. Then the trick will be getting them produced. May have to hand carve some of those and get really cozy with Dick Blick to do it. oy!