Happy Birthday

 

 

 

Today, being the second of October, is Sting's birthday. I am listening to "The Last Ship" on Spotify right now. I've never not had money for a new Sting CD so thankfully there is Spotify for the foreseeable future. It's been 10 years since his last album of original tunes. And a lot has changed in those 10 years.

 

At once they seem to have been the longest decade of my life and the shortest. I measure my life in milestones more than in years. It seems, with the notable exception of Matthias Reim to hold my heart in time of heartache, Sting is the soundtrack underscoring those milestones. When I find myself inconsolable at points in which the losses in my life are so poignant there is always an album which lets me do my grieving and find the strength of hope to get through the hardest part of the process: the letting go and getting back to life. Most of that time, when I miss someone most, I return to Soul Cages.

 

 

Soul Cages got me through Dad's sickness and passing. It is difficult to describe all those feelings. Anyone who has lost someone knows them... knows them well. Anyone who has been there knows there is little that can be said to make it better. The Hallmark­­™ card to hold all the sentiments for those occasions would be as tall as the Statue of Liberty and still not be able to convey the support a grieving person needs. Or desires. In fact the grieving person usually doesn't know what would help until the help arrives. Cue Sting.

His father passed and Soul Cages was his process  to deal with it. You don't just miss the person in the flesh from the moment of passing. You miss the whole thing: the times that you shared and the times that you blew off. There are things that our fathers tell us that we do not heed when they are with us that we cannot then ask them to repeat once they are gone. You grieve for that. Then you feel the guilt. Here's the thing though, you also miss yourself.

Soul Cages looks at what life was like growing up in Newcastle, especially "All This Time" which is one of my favorites in his entire body of work. When a parent passes you miss those times that you remember fondly, pictures play in your mind like a fading 16mm film. You miss the places you were when you were there. You miss your hometown and the way it was while you were growing up. You miss the vision of yourself when you see those films in your mind. Looking through old books in rainy weather is torture; and much needed. In less than two weeks I will mark the 8th year of my father's passing. Soul Cages came to me a year before he passes, it paved the way for the process to come. I bought it the same year that Sacred Love came out, the same day it came out.

When my father did pass two weeks after his 90th birthday I remembered the CD, the liner notes Sting wrote. For a month I only listened to Soul Cages. I planned the funeral with the director alone. I made mistakes that alienated my cousins on my father's side. I gathered the pictures for the memorial alone. I talked to the doctors about his condition and was the only one of the three of us to know that he was not coming back. I stood alone in the hospital room with no one to hold onto. I survived those horrible moments with Sting's dulcet voice in my head... singing me through the breaths that I would have to take to make it downstairs to my car without upsetting the whole hospital. My brother wailed onto his wife's shoulder while my sister was on the plane to get here. The German patient, bless his heart, calmly ordered his meal from the bed next door.

Everything changes when you lose the last of your parents. If you haven't prepared yourself very well you lose your entire self. As prepared as I was I lost a good chunk of who I was and what I thought my life would be. In the process of settling his affairs I lost a lot of the security that we expect to have out of life. And having lost that I lost my faith in myself. I never really realized how tied into my father my own thoughts of my self identity were. Thanks Freud, but it isn't about sexual maturity (which I know because my "type" is completely different from my dad. My dad actually influences whom I gravitate toward in the realm of spiritual assistance~ Sting. My dad is mostly Welsh.) In many ways, Mr. Sumner and my dad are a lot a like. Mr. Sumner was a milkman and my dad a farmer and neither of them understood the artistic drive in Sting and me. But by the end, they both gave blessings for each of us to be what we wanted. I can not say if this is the case with Sting, but I still feel that even with the blessing to go forth and create art I am somehow disappointing Dad. For the first time in my life, and lasting these last 8 years, I have considered being something other than an artist.

That would be like considering being something other than human. Oh I would love to be a Time Lord. But I am human: frailly, blessedly and incontrovertibly human. And I shall need a hefty dose of Sacred Love to help me find myself as I have always imagined myself to be and to be what my Dad blessed in his last conversation with me. But I am not ready for that just yet. If I were I would not have been so eager to distract myself with Matthias Reim these last 4 years. So as I listen to The Last Ship, I find the sequel to Soul Cages that I was looking for.

I wish that I had the liner notes that come with the CD. But alas.... not until I have some money to go get the CD. And that brings me to the reason that I am writing about Dad and Sting today. It being Sting's birthday, and that birthday falling smack in the middle of the Season of Loss™, there is no better day to think about who I still have in my life and how thankful that I am for them. Especially Sting.

 

 

Sting,

 Happy Birthday.

I am so thankful for you, for your art, for your willingness to put your heart, soul,

experience into song to share with the rest of us. I do not know how I would have

gotten through so many of my life's experiences without your words

to comfort or convict and pointing the way under the Dog Star.

Thank you.

 

 

 

I owe someone else a birthday greeting. It is hard to write this one though because I feel so much empathy for him and one of the things that he struggles with... I wasn't really expecting to get that involved with that particular greeting. But I am an Aquarius and I am waking up from a long spiritual slumber so it probably should surprise none of us that I'm more involved than I should be. 

An Oasis in the Chaos

So while the world is busy falling apart around our ears some people are calm and composed enough to continue to do what they love to do. September 24th Sting releases a new album entitled "the Last Ship". I got to hear some of it previewed on his website. Sounds to me like the sequel to "Soul Cages". And today Spotify notifies me that Sir Paul McCartney has released a new album and the first single, "New" was available to listen to tonight.

Music Geeks rejoice! The Masters are back at it and as strong as ever.

And I suppose there is a lesson to be learned in all of this talent. And of course, it comes from the Brits: KEEP CALM & DO WHAT YOU DO BEST. Sir Paul, Sting and Matthias will keep making music no matter what happens in the rest of the world.

A Collection

One of these things doesn't belong here. One of these things jsut isn't the same.

And you can play two ways. One CD is not Matthias Reim. And one CD is not music but it is Matthias Reim.

Today was day three of my vacation. And for a very pleasant surprise, the mailman delivered four of the CDs you see here. Sensationell, Wolkenreiter and Morgenrot which replace some of the seven that were stolen a few years ago and 10 Jahre Intensiv which is new to me.

It's been a great vacation day. I have missed these CDs. Matze has a great range of performing styles. And I love all of them. Ahem, even the country songs. Sensationell and Wolkenreiter are my favorite to relax with. There are quite a few toe tappers. But its the slow songs that make these albums for me, especially "Ich denk on Dich". From Wolkenreiter I prefer "komm ich nehm' dich mich", "mein herz ist kein hotel", "ich vermiss dich" and the title track.

Vermiss dich always makes me cry. It's one of the first songs that I heard that I didn't have to look up half the words. I knew what the song was about from the start. It was a song that helped deal with Sir Knight in our initial catastrophic failure. I love this music. As with Sting, he is a masterful storyteller and encourager during Life's troubles and the Heart's aches. They are songs that come from experience. And as much as I love these songs, I really hope that he is done having heart ache. Someone who has been through so much should sing more songs for joy like "nie mehr ohne Engel" and "Lebenslaenglich" and of course last year's Christmas album.

And maybe somehow, with the funny way that the Universe works, he will be able to do a project with Sting. How awesome would that album be!?!?!?!?!?!

Venus Transit

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same ol' thing as yesterday

I will be singing that all day long. I do not know how many days in my life time that will be true. Figure 9 planets (Pluto still counts in my book) x2 on the low end is 18 times because on the high end these transits average between 108 and 121 years apart. And there is no way that I am going to live to be 100. And since I am 42 and did not know to look for this and have missed many of them it will be a significantly smaller number of viewings.

Here's the article to read all about it... Venus Transit in June
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/05/120501085556.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily+%28ScienceDaily%3A+Latest+Science+News%29&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher

It's Spring. Like I need to tell you guys that. It's just that I look forward to Spring so much to wash the Winter crap away both literally and metaphorically. I'm listening to a beautiful Matthias Reim song, his cover of "Als ich fort ging". It is a rather sad sounding song with a few hopeful notes; seems like it could be an anthem for Spring. Today it feels very much like a song for new growth and hope, packing away winter clothes and dealing with everything that gets mulled over in the dark of Winter in front of a fire.

And I have a lot to mull. Boundaries and Beliefs are the things that let us do what we need to do to thrive in the world. With the way things are going I don't think that we can be truly content with mere survival. Cue Garth Brooks if you have to (probably one country song I don't mind). I'm working through the pains that come with life and living but I'm not doing so very successfully. So I guess that is the best reason to review the Boundaries and Beliefs that have taken me places that I never thought I would go. It can be a tough topic to wade through. Each belief is accompanied by a montage of memories, snapshots of events that support or challenge those beliefs and ensuing thoughts. I'm glad that I have music to cushion the process. And I am glad for the musicians that I am listening to.

Matthias and Sting for two, seem to be able to say things to my heart that no one else can. I know that I've said this a million times. But if I have to say it a million more I don't care. Neither of these guys know me. So nothing that they say can be construed as judgement against me. The down side of that, of course, is that they can not be construed as my cheer section either. And maybe that is not so important as the fact that they know the situations well. Matters of the heart, mind and soul condensed into hundreds of songs only a few minutes long. Being older than me they have wisdom to depart. And I guess that is one of the things I do not like about the modern music scene. Adele will be angry/sad/mad with me but she can't really tell me that it will be alright and how because she is just a kid like me (by that I mean immature in some things since we all know I'm old as dirt). Matze and Sting have been there, felt that, drowned their sorrows in food/drink therapy and come out the other side of the situation better if not less damaged than when they went in.

And I find in the things that I am going through that those closest to me can not be as helpful in the emotional support because they are too close. I think it should be different. But personal issues weird out some of our closest friends because of how deep their feelings are. They get swept up in the turbulence of our emotional tides (think Betazoids without pets) with us. The cliche "can't see the forest for the trees" doesn't apply only to Frodo. It applies to Sam Wise and everyone else in the fellowship. Well... maybe not to Aragorn. But that kinda shows what I mean. In a party of 7 if only one guy has his wits about him you can tell that its a pretty grim and desperate situation. And you can see the power of friendship has its down side... despair is contagious. Courage is too. But for whatever reason it always seems less potent than panic. Maybe because to get to courage you have to grab a hold of yourself and tackle the fear first. But that is a post for another time.

I am trying to figure out why I should care what some people think of what I do and who I am. I will fold myself into all manner of shapes to avoid negative perceptions of me because I want everyone to like me. That is totally unrealistic and the result has been decidedly not what the goal had been. So we look at boundaries and beliefs and the resulting situation. I did not have a normal existence as a kid. So I learned some bad habits that only now, at the ripe old age of 41, do I see bearing bad and strange fruits. It did not take a lifetime to learn. I've only had a lifetime to reinforce some disinformation. And undoing it is going to take some time. In wanting everyone to like me I developed habits that let me become a door mat/punching bag/ sounding board for someone else's success. And I believed that was my spiritual function because I had pastors that I respected tell me that someone has to serve as the weak to help the strong stay strong.

So lesson number one: Define who you are and what you want for yourself. Discern what makes a good support person in each area of your life. Define who and what kind of support system you need. Define who or what is a poor or deficient support and avoid those people. And in this I have learned that just because a person is a pastor does not automatically mean that they know what they are talking about and the title does not justify an automatic and blind following. There are people with pastoral degrees that graduated with barely passing grades. Same goes for doctors and shrinks. Everyone has to be evaluated. It sounds daunting. But it is sooooooooooooooo necessary. As he says "Poets, priests and politicians have words to thank for their positions." But they have to be able to back up their words with tangible results. Yes even a priest. Example? Sure.

When a pastor offers you financial advice there are a couple of thinks to consider. 1. 80 % of your money issues are a lack of fiscal education and not the automatic result of a sin you have not "laid at the foot of the cross." 2. Pastor has to be willing to treat that 20% and not dismiss it by telling you to pray about it. Prayer is a support. Not a solution. 3. The pastor has to give you wise counsel. If you need help paying your rent and his solution is to have you invite a thief into your home as your Christian duty he is not the financial guru for you. 4. Your pastor needs to be willing to allow someone outside the church and outside of the religious disciplines help you to fix the 80% and especially the 20% if he/she is not trained for that kind of thing. And lets face it... there are not a lot of pastors who have cross disciplined degrees since the church (no matter which one it is) has a Lennon-esque naivete about life. "All you need is love (read as: our version of God)" sells records. It doesn't pay the bills. Well... it doesn't pay YOUR bills.

I used to let people with titles and authority decide my life for me because I thought I was one of the most stupid people on the planet for letting the things that happened in my marriage happen. It ruined my business. it ruined my standing with a few people and it has been an issue with my whole family. So since I was dumb enough to let it happen I decided not to make any more choices for myself. I let pastors tell me what to believe about me and god and everyone else... to some degree. I let employers tell me what I was capable of doing.... to some degree. A part of my true self always rebelled after a time. and then I would have to start all over again.

I guess I am getting to the point where I am getting back to who I truly am. and this time it will be without the disfunction of the programming that I got from a deeply emotionally wounded parent. I only hope that it will be enough to get me fast tracked so that the pending fiscal meltdown can be avoided.

And now here's something we hope you'll really enjoy

You know what I love about Wordsmiths? Everything. You know what I love about Sting being a Wordsmith?



SYMPHONICITIES!!!!

Effect without a cause indeed. This is his newest album. I got it today when I went to pick up my meds. (And I was a good girl and didn't buy the COMPLETE Buck Rogers for 15.00) I know that a lot of people get pissy with him when he tries to reinvent his own music. The thing of it is that art is about having an open mind. And if you aren't going to have an open mind you really can't criticize.Well you can, but its not fair. In this case if you don't like symphonic music the fact that it is Sting isn't going to help anything. In my case, I love symphonic music. I love Sting. There is nothing to dislike about this offering.

The CD comes in a paper folder with muted blocks of Synchronicity's signature colors. One would think that a jewel case would be a safer storage unit than a heavy card stock folder; but you've never seen me mutilate a jewel case. The song list is not what I expected. I don't think that anyone has ever redone "Next to You". It was spectacular! There are songs from his contribution to the shanty collection that came out with the Pirates of the Caribbean. Roxanne and Every Little Thing show up. Do they HAVE to? Or does he know that we WANT them to? And that is just how awesome the wrapping paper is. The real present is inside.

The liner notes are written, not by Sting, but by Anthony DeCurtis. I know that I can't write about this any better than he does. I just want to offer my own observations. The thing that I like about these classical interpretations, be it Sting or Paul McCartney, is that the adaptations will let them perform at their best as they get older and their voices change. For a change I can hear all of the words, all of the nuances in his voice. The more control he has in his voice, the more mature his performances the more you want to hear clean musical interpretations. I've noticed, over the last few albums, that he doesn't have to strain himself vocally. That happens to rockers as they get older.

The music is symphonic to be sure. Four different orchestras perform on the album. And frankly, if this is what I missed in Chicago last year cause I didn't have 4000.00 then I dang well better get rich quick! But if you listen closely to 10 Summoner's Tales, Soul Cages, Sacred Love and Labyrinth then you will notice that the orchestral or symphonic quality has always been a part of Sting's style. Even when Every Little Thing was fresh and played ad nauseum on the radio you could hear where the symphony belonged. This isn't really a stretch so much as a graceful extension of who he already is.

Admittedly I get a little tired of Roxanne showing up everywhere. But I heard his acoustic jazzy version when we still had a light jazz station in town and really liked how fresh the song was. I like this version even more. Somehow Roxanne's persona changes a little with the strings and the piano. The cello makes her seem sad and sympathetic all at once where she used to be a forgotten poster child. It seems she is older and sadder for want of a different life and the imagination to make it better. True, mentally I tend to dress her more like a Bronte anti-heroine than a West End prostitute as was the costume in the 80s. Now she seems like someone who spent the grandest part of her years as a mistress with nothing to signify her loyalty and affection. The Lord is dead, her skills are useless and there is no where to go with out the imagination to reinvent herself. More haunting than ever, I love this song more than I ever have before.

I love that you can still sing along with these songs. The orchestras will never make me sound better. But at least there is more of his voice to drown me out for the sake of my accidental audiences.

Here's what an Encyclopedia can't do

I just spent the afternoon watching PAUL MCCARTNEY LIVE IN HYDE PARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

How much more cool does it get? Yeah yeah yeah... Sting. Matti. ...not the point. I just lamented the loss of printed compendiums because you can't "feel" the world. But Paul played to a great crowd who chose him over the World Cup. And I got to watch it live. Singing with the crowd. Crying with the happy and absolutely tickled that life is good enough for the whole world to watch if it wants to. This is what the Internets can do for you.

Youtube hosted with twitter. So just like all of us who got together over the Spiner fic thing last year, we got to watch and comment together; people all over the world. It was amazing. I wonder if concerts could go that route in the future.

hmmm...

Most of my days are taken up with learning some new music. I've mentioned Matthias Reim in a past post. The more I listen to the work, the more I like. The only other artist who has been susccessful in capturing my sustainable and appreciative attention is Sting. They are similar thematically and each has the fortitude to say what goes on in the heart and the mind. Neither of them make any apology for the directness of their thoughts. Both of them have a range of styles. I haven't heard anything jazzy from Reim and Sting hasn't done anything "poppy" in years. Both of them have voices that resonate calmness within, which as I said before is great for getting the creative things out.

While I am learning this music, my german is improving a little bit and my pronunciation is really shaping up. But I am also finding it easier to be honest with myself. Huh? It doesn't hurt either of them to be honest. That kind of honesty gives a person the freedom to live fully. When we hide some of the things that we think will diminish us in others eyes then we don't do anything about it. It makes us think crazy things, hurtful things and then we go under ground with those things. We don't do ourselves or anyone else any favors by hiding.

And it takes a lot for me to say that right now. I didn't hide things from my friends and I sounded nuts and yeah it did get held against me for a while. But if I hadn't talked about it then I would have had no objective opinion of the situation... only my personal crazy. And it turns out I'm not crazy just uneducated on the topic at hand. I want to hide. I want to run away and not face the mess that is in front of me. But that means leaving my real friends just to avoid false friends. Sure, I could call it a tactical retreat. But it isn't. Its just plain cowardice. Stay or go then?

To stay is to endure torture that I don't think that I can handle for a sustained period. To go is to runaway. But at least I wouldn't be lying to myself and saying that it is for any reason other than the fact the it hurts too much to look at someone who lies to me everyday. For some reason... knowing that I am running away and why I am running away makes it easier to accept. I simply have no tools for dealing with someone who lies for the purpose of hurting others. Lying to ones self under the auspices of either False Hope or False Bravado is a subject for another post. This is different. I know there is no defense. I can not control what others believe. And I can not prevent lies from being told. I can not control the colateral damage. And I haven't the skill to catch the lies as they are being told. It is a chess match of sorts. Much as I enjoy the game construction and design, I am not good at it. Never have been because I have never seen life as a war to be won the way that so many others have. This is beyond my meager skills. So I am chosing to run away. Pay is better. The skills I do have can be used better and I may be able one day to advance in this new field. I feel no guilt about running away. I know I am doing it and why.

Without these strong artistic examples, I don't know that I could be honest about it. I need examples in my life because even at 40 I run into situations that task the confidneces that I do have. Without men of courage, men who aren't afraid to tell you what crazy assed things are running through their brains/hearts/blood vessles then I am lost. There really is nothing like honesty. It makes for a clear conscience. It makes for strong relationships of any kind. And it makes for an easier life in the long run because you aren't constantly building shunts to get around the ways you've blocked yourself in and gummed up the works.

That said, I go back to my regularly scheduled date with some awesome German music and think about how I can apply that to a situation that has gone on for too long without resolution. And I wonder if I will find a resolution or if I will just find some beautifully described fiction vignettes like I did in high school and pretend that everything is ok when it is not.

Anticipation

I've been waiting for years for Sting to release a Christmas album. Of course since it is Sting, you can't expect the traditional regurgitated "Holiday Classics" covers. I mean the man is a creative thinker who takes everything into his being and makes it his, traditional covers would bore the hell out of him. And to be honest, no matter what his voice does to me insides by way of stimulating my chakras, I'd be bored as hell and the CD would be tucked away into the holiday box rarely played ever again. I dreamt all last winter of the perfect Christmas album: his personality sculpting and redefining the classic "English" carol. With the experience of Labyrinth and the Arabic flavors in Sacred Love, I imagined something that would time and geographic lines. I had hoped for I Saw Three Ships and Gabriel's Message. In the first listen I found more than I hoped for. And, as expects he delivers the unexpected.

Thoughtful, personal and cognisant of the emotional range of the season, the lyrics are wrapped in both whimsy and sorrow, longing and fulfillment through iconic and fantastical elements. His voice gets richer with each album as does his interpretations of previously released material. Gabriel's Message is reworked to compliment the flavors in this collection. The Hounds of Winter evokes the hollow conditions of loneliness harnessed in its initial release without the flesh-ripping pain one experiences upon first realizing your abject single hood in the midst of this joyous holiday season. Campbell's soup for one seems less desolate with the knowledge that there are a hundred billion castaways also looking for a home.
My absolute favorite track is Soul Cake. It is a chant in the English tradition with the feel of an Celtic reel. A horn, Chris Botti's, plays God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen through the bridge. It helps that this is my all time, Never-get-sick-of-hearing it carol. Within the layers of this song, one begins to look for one of Sting's trademark tools... the self quote.
As I listen to this album in its entirety for the fourth time, I hear parts of the Soul Cages, Mercury Falling (outside of the obvious inclusion of that title track in this offering), Sacred Love and Nothing Like the Sun. Dreams of Blue Turtles and Bring On The Night wouldn't really be appropriate here, but their joy is represented in Soul Cake.
In all, the album feels like a warm blanket in front of a steady fire on a cold and dark night, tea time of the soul or not. I dare the north western Michigan gales to blow under starless skies this Winter. I am now prepared.