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Friday, March 6, 2009

my nose hurts

The day that NASA announces the Kepler probe's mission to explore the Orion arm of our Milky Way galaxy, William F. Shatner releases "Redshirt" and "Pon Farr", Star Trek inspired fragrances. This was not how I wanted my radio alarm to wake me up this morning.

Admittedly, I thought that it was a joke. The radio station that I wake to has some "funny" non news/ non commercial news/commercials. When I heard the tagline for "Redshirt", I thought for sure that it was a joke. But it is not. It really does exist.
And now that it does, all of you graduates fresh from Starfleet Academy, anticipating your first away team mission on an uncharted class M planet in the Orion arm... don your red shirts and don't even bother to set your phasers. Wear "Redshirt" because for you, "tomorrow may never come."

Uh... what? Redshirt, "because tomorrow may never come"? How do you finish that thought? It's Shatner so I guess it would be something like "So bang what you can today?"

Then there is the Pon Farr fragrance. People who wrote the news copy called it the Vulcan mating ritual. It is not. It brings betrothed Vulcan couples to the ritual. But it is a condition that induces something called "plak tow", loosely translated as blood fever. If you are a Vulcan and you ignore the biological indices you get the blood fever. Once Pon Farr settles in you have only two choices... mate or die. I presume this is why Shatner decided on Pon Farr for a name. Afterall, he seems to have the same biologic directive. Kirk part Vulcan? Who knew? Who could tell?
Ugh! Another reason to pull the plug on his clout within the franchise. And that of those who approved this project. I hate to quote a Kilingon, especially Koloth's unnamed second, but what a "swaggering, arrogant, overbearing tin-plated dictator with delusions ofc godhood."

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