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Friday, March 9, 2012

Fake Profile Hunter

It has been a long time since I have had a good profile to sink my teeth into. Having a boyfriend that takes you off market will do that to you. And honestly, I'd taken down enough profiles that I wasn't getting anything on my hook. As entertaining as it is to debunk these idiots, it is also disheartening. That means that the only people who are interested in my profile, meaning me, are posers who want money or people who want me to "dumb it down" so that they can understand me. And in the end I think that last reason is why I really got rid of all the profiles.

I stubbornly kept two while I was dating my boyfriend. And when we broke up as an act of defiance, I suppose.* I got two more going. While I was dating, it was nice to be able to see him and see those idiots and think to myself "You done good kid." Because the boyfriend was soooo much better than anyone I might have ended up settling with on those sites. They were a lot of promise and no follow through. Or completely unappealing. More on THAT later. It is the whole being single thing that is getting me down on the sites.

I should feel flattered that I am too smart for most of them. But I am not. I am getting down on myself for not fitting in. As much as I love work, I don't fit in there either. I try. I say yes to going out a lot of the time that I am asked. But it feels weird. And we have to keep me separate from a coworker. So if one says yes the other can not be invited. He says yes a lot faster than I do. So I get left out. Out of literally 100 hits on my profile, 1 asked me out. And that went no where. It felt a little like a job interview.

So a week before the Internet police showed up in my complex this guy shows up wanting to be friends in the game. I already have a good friend in the game so I am not really looking for more people who will suck up my limited time in there. Not when there is so much to create! But the message was sweet. Yeah, as sweet as his profile was empty. I thought to myself, "Here we go again."

So I did a google search. The guy does not exist in the age he says he is. So either he is a real person with limited vocabulary and ever more limited stores of pick up lines and has lied about his age, 68 instead of 45. Or he is totally fake and lifted a pic from someones online album. The name he gave me and the slight background information is the name of an Italian actor. And oh what a shock.... his name is Dave.

So this Dave is 45, of Italian descent. His parents moved from Northern Italy to Florida when he was but a lad of two. He has never been married. Is self employed in a business that puts environmental concerns first. Do I know what he does? No. Do I know where in Italy his parents are from? No. Have I asked? Yes. And what does he say? "You are lovely dear."

Now kids, who remembers what the number one clue that the profile is a scammer is? Think really hard back to the guy who used a Spanish C-list actor's name. The one who works with rosewood and was stuck in Africa "oh by the way can you send me 500.00 so I can get back home?" Yes. The FIRST clue that your guy is a scammer is that every sentence begins or ends with dear. And just in case they have caught on to the fact that that is a loser move, I will amend that rule thus: If he says dear ANYWHERE in the body of the letter and not in the greeting, as in "Dear Sherry", more than once, he is a scammer.

I have a full profile in Utherverse. And I have a blog there too. I know, Who'dda thought? So there is a ton of information there. And the reason that there is a ton of information is because I am making good friends in Utherverse. The boyfriend who introduced me to it, my Hungarian friends and a couple of people I correspond with regularly use my blog to keep up with my doings when I am not online very often. I can make friends anywhere. And the people I am going to make friends with are the people who ask intelligent questions of my work and answer intelligent questions of theirs. We know about each other's personal lives because we have real conversations. And that is how you really know the difference between a fake and a real profile. Information.

Scammers won't answer real questions because they have not fully fleshed out their fake profiles. They cannot answer the questions that anyone would ask. They rely on flattery. But folks, and ladies especially listen well, flattery comes AFTER someone gets to know you. When it comes before you have to know that you are being engaged in a game of 3 Card Monte with a guy who palms the card you are supposed to be looking for. And these guys do not change their game. There are too many desperate people who crave the flattery so badly that they won't see that the dude is a scammer.

And these guys are not online either. If you are an open book and the guy that is pursuing you doesn't want to talk about himself then you have to be careful. Really careful. Guys almost always want to talk about themselves. 98% of the time. But if they are not telling you anything that is a trap. They are silent so that you will spill the beans about yourself. You give them all the information that they need to manipulate or control you while they remain aloof and free. If what they do tell you is the same thing, repeated over and over again with nothing new, like a slogan or a mantra, it is the same deal. Ladies clam up!

Female mystique? Right. We've been told that we have to keep somethings to ourselves so that guys will be interested in digging through our past like Indiana Jones on a Crusade because it keeps the mystery alive. Turns out that what they are talking about is not peeing in front of your man or letting him watch you apply your make-up. He is supposed to wonder how you are always so beautiful and young looking without knowing you weren't born with it but have to trust Maybelline. I am talking about keeping some things to yourself to encourage an equal flow of information. Your guy wants to know why you have the habit of doing a, b and c. Tell him about a. But don't give up b or c until he tells you why he does the things he does. He wants to know in detail what your hopes and fears are? he should be able to detail those same things for himself. If the information is not going two ways then you will find yourself smack dab in the middle of your own temple of doom.

The things that make a person interesting enough to start talking to in the real world are also supposed to be the things that make you interesting in cyberspace. I am an artist. Have I been asked about that? No. I am a writer. Have I been asked about that? No. Do I ever get asked where an idea comes from? No. Do I get asked about anything that matters? Rarely. And never by scammers.

Unless this guy really is the Italian actor and did a piss poor job of building a profile so that he could find a woman who was not into him for his status and money, this dude is a scammer. And I am going to enjoy busting his chops for it. It may be the only satisfaction that I get out of being online. It seems like the guys that I would be interested in just don't do web things. Or they do and they are already taken because their whole life is not lived online.

Hmm.... I am going to have to think about the things that I am doing. Hiding in my room online might be what is holding me up.

1 comment:

  1. So I have either called it correctly. Or he was offended about this post following a bit of stlaker-ish googling. Yes, I leave myself open to being found. It is not like I want to hide away. Though it has been suggested that I am far too open online and far too closed up in reality.

    I have not heard from this guy since I posted this and he was adamant about letting me know he was expectingto hear from me.