The klaxons have been going off in my body for a while now. From the moment that I started the process of forcing my brother to finish up the terms of Dad's will with a lawyer of my own, my body has been telling me that there are Romulans to Port and Klingons to Starboard. I can not see an enemy vessel in my vicinity. What that usually means then is that the attack is spiritual in nature.
Someone I love is going to need my emotional support and any positive energy for defense and encouragement that I can send. I hate that. I hate it because that means someone that I love is going to need to go through one of those horrible life experiences that build character. It is always a lot of pain. And while the pain is as temporary and fleeting as a bit of gas following baked beans it still stinks to high heaven. And there is almost nothing that I can ever do to prevent it.
And I don't know who is suffering. I can not help. And yet the red alerts have been going off for a year now. So for a long time I expected to hear Matze would divorce. That is something that my righteously indignant self can rally behind to send comforting energy. But there is not any reason to think that will happen. Thankfully he seems to have found in Sarah the best match of his life. Which is great because he truly has had to suffer enough at the hands of the fickle. So then I thought that maybe the doom that falls next would be something with my sister. I've been out of contact with her for almost year because she lost technical support.
But no. She is back up and running and the whole family is great and there have not been any issues. And she has filled me in on all I've missed from the people on her end who I do like but do not keep in touch with. And they all seem to be doing great. So this sense of doom that has been lurking around me seems definitely to come from the realm of "Things that I am a Fan of".
Which meant that my heart dropped when Randy Travis went into the hospital last week. You would think if that was it that when the announcement was made, having identified the possible cause for that warning that the warning would stop. It is not stopping. Matze is fine. Randy is doing better. There is nothing on the radar of possible heartache or physical pain for Armitage, Cumberbatch, Tennant, Smith or anyone else that has captured my attention so intensely. Wheatons are doing great. So what is it?
What is making me feel defensive? What is making my batleth hand twitch for action?
The last time I felt this cagey was the week leading up to September 11. And nothing about that last time felt personal. Something terrible is headed my way and I can not see what it is.