Thursday, December 18, 2014
Getting it Sorted
Hi, It's been awhile since I have written. So I will get right to it.
I've been asked to modify my writing habits. I've been trying to figure out how to sort out the request from the person who has sat here for 5 years trying to maintain a regular schedule, committing it to a silent Resolution list and failing miserably every year. I'm getting it sorted; it isn't sorted yet.
And I am reduced to writing in the evening because my software has what has been described as a "typical microsoft/windows8" bug. I reduced the screen brightness and now I can only write in near darkness. I know.... I always find the bizarre ones. Anyway, it is pitch black outside and has been for hours. In a few weeks that shift will happen and the lightness will grow. That will be a good thing. The day light bulbs are helping but I really need the sunlight.
And I need to figure out how to sort things. Writing is a huge part of who I am. I've written something nearly every day for my entire life. Well.... my entire life since I mastered the 4th grade English and started reading grown up books. So since I was 8. I am about to be 45. You do the math on that. That is a few decades to get comfortable with the written word, my own ideas and my own voice. I know that eventually my nieces and nephews will want to know about crazy Aunt Sherry and there will be no one to tell my story if I don't tell it. Besides, we all know that the blogging community, no matter how small it is per blog, is designed to help people of similar interests find each other. It is how we learn to do and be what we are supposed to be instead of floating around like disjointed bits of flotsam on a surging sea of human emotion and experience.
What I need to sort there is how one person can ask you to muzzle yourself and still expect you to be available for experiences. I write about what I do. I write what I think. I write as a journal and as a slight road map to navigating social situations. That sounds very fancy and very important even though the person who learns to navigate the most is the very author of this blog. So what do I do with the request? It was asked respectfully, for a change. It was asked out of a personal fear which has to be respected. I'm used to boys getting snotty and demanding so I am always prepared to throw my back to the wall and put up my dukes. This is not the time for that. This is a time to protect a fellow introvert. But at what cost?
I miss writing. I miss doing things that are worth writing about. I haven't been doing things, I realized, because half of the fun in doing is beginning to write the post mid-experience. I haven't been doing things because I know I can't write about it if it has anything to do with him. But what stops me from doing things without him and writing about that?
Good question is it not?
Do you have an answer? I don't. I Guilt? He's busy with school work and even though my job takes a lot of physical and mental energy out of me I could still write, I could still do things worth writing about. So why don't I?
I am catching up on lots of good BBC. Almost done with Midsomer Murders and just downed Broadchurch in one sitting. I am spending a lot of time with like minded people in the house. Another Aquarius and a Cool Artist. We spend a lot of time chatting and sharing TV shows/movies. We have taken a couple of day trips. And I am still playing with food. I just don't write about it because the lighting sucks. And honestly.... once I am done with my day I hurt a little too much to do more than sleep. But I can still dooooooo stuff. I just don't.
I guess I have a lot to sort yet.
I picked up this months Artful Blogging and felt the pang of guilt for having not written in so long. And also the need to write.
Maybe it won't be long before I am regularly writing again.