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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Good Day for Photos

So what do you do on a Winter's day when you weren't expecting to be home?

It is too cold to walk. I had a spell last night; leg wouldn't work at all and I almost fell on the floor. Apparently when the temps drop I'm going to have some problems. So despite the beautiful view down by the lake, I will be staying in until Spring.
And thinking Spring.
And decorating Spring.
The dollar store had a great selection of Spring berry sprigs so I snagged enough to make a full bouquet for my room.

One of the things that I almost forgot about myself was that I wanted to be an interior designer when I was in high school. I'd gotten a Crayola kit for Christmas while we were building the new house. I suppose it was to supplement to the myriad magazines I was collecting to figure out how to do my own room. I was slowly teaching myself about interior design to address all the things that I hated about my own room in town. Once I'd made the obvious room choices given the materials in the kit, I began looking into expanding my understanding of the technical drawings that I had just done.

And they were technical drawings. It's just that the math was already done for you and all you had to do was connect the dots. The best part was the colors and the accessories, especially the foliage. I don't know why the foliage was so important. Other than the fact that it represented something else I was never allowed to experience for myself. We never really had anything alive in the house. A cat for a while. But almost never any plants until we moved into the new place and dad got himself some African Violets.

So today I am home thinking interior design. And looking at the bouquet with thoughts of Spring, my favorite colors bursting out of the vase... I really am thinking new beginnings.

I spent the day thinking about Shayne yesterday. Down by the beach crusted over with tumbled ice and snow, I wrote some while I waited. In the writing there were tears. Obviously there were tears. But I couldn't think beyond the day. Only thinking about the day and many days before, I can't imagine what the days ahead will look like. People are reading the posts that Shayne commented on. Yesterday someone found what I wrote about Julie six years ago. And Shayne's was the only comment on the post. Almost ironic isn't it?

How maudlin am I? I think just maudlin enough to get the evil eye from the cat.
But then again, any cat that gets interrupted during a nap is going to give the evil eye.

This is Teenie. She isn't too fond of the Winter either. The house cat belongs to my house mate. She is the herder for the family and once you live here you are family. She is also a good subject for photography. Unlike most cats she doesn't shy away from the camera. She doesn't mug, but she doesn't hide.

Normally Teenie is off by herself on her mama's bed. Lately though, she has taken to hanging out on the couch with whomever is on the couch. For a change there is a cat in the house that doesn't insist on sitting on a laptop. And she doesn't have her paws in the food. I do miss Mokey though. He was a bit of a handful and I always worried about his paws getting under the knife when I was chopping veggies. But Teenie is nice and calm and just kinda comfy.

But chilling with a comfy cat doesn't really keep the thoughts at bay. I try to keep busy. Other than the book that my pen pal sent me, I am having a hard time sitting still long enough to finish a book. Actually, I can't sit still long enough to start a book. There has been nothing that I wanted to draw let alone paint.

Taking better pictures seems to be the only thing that is holding my interest. It helps, of course, that I've committed myself to the food blog to make up for the lack of posts in the later part of the year. Then once the photos are done there is the post production edits. And yes... to get from raw material to finished dish it is rather much a production.

There is a plan brewing in the back of my head which I hope will showcase those talents. It seems that my own artwork is too personal a thing to consider selling. But maybe, maybe developing some talent for artistic photography will get me somewhere. I don't know. It's something to consider. Even if only getting better to post things to my own blog, it is time well spent and something that I do enjoy.

It mostly takes my mind off of things. Well, most things. I can't quite leave off that uneasy feeling around my brother. Which then leads me back to Shayne. It was one of the last things that we texted about. And there are some things that I still wish I could talk to Shayne about. Nothing complicated, mind you. Just... well...


There are things niggling at the back of my neck that make me feel a little uncomfortable.

Maybe I shall have to stick to photography and edits. That takes up a lot more brain power than the writing. The writing is a doorway to all those things that seem to be waiting for a calm moment to come spilling out.

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