Begin Again

In just a few days I will tour the new facility and see how my domain is shaping up. A few days after that I will start to work on the new site. And then a few days after that we will be open and ready for business and my life will be different than what I have grown accustomed to during the last five years.

Change is growth. Growth is inevitable. Or is growth change and change inevitable? I don't know. But I am still going through waves and waves of panic and calm through the whole process. Of course I am happy to have my own space. I can put all the things I have learned to good use. I will be the one leading by example which will make me finally fetter free. I won't have to hold back for fear of embarrassing anyone else's output.

Yet trepidation is right on the heels of relief. What if I really, really, really, you-need-a-TARDID-to-fix-that-one screw things up? I don't have a sonic screwdriver to make repairs. I don't have psychic paper to convince people I am someone else. I don't have a transporter that will magically beam me out of hot water and in to someplace quiet like Risa. It is all on me. Oh sure.... I have all sorts of leadership examples to follow in any situation which in theory means that the screw ups can not be irreparable. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better. I am sure this is all just the I hate change jitters that we all have when new stuff comes a knockin.

After all. I started out life after high school as a business person. I've managed in every place that I have worked. I've been self employed. I hate to be bored at work. Down time is bad. Busy is good. I've kept up on management tips and tricks through various magazines. I have pretty good people instincts. And I've learned a thing or two in the course of my 40something year old life.

This really is just another branch on the tree of my life. It's nothing to get hung about. And yet... positive self talk doesn't make the panic go away. It is lesser. But it is not gone.