Missing Them

I miss Shayne a lot today. I've been missing him while we have been doing the renovation at the hotel. Actually, I've been missing him for the general ability to have someone to bitch to about a lot of things that will find my sense of humor singular. He was always entertained by the stories I told. Many people tell me that they find the way I say something entertaining if not the thing itself.

There are many events occurring right now that I could use some Sage Shayne advice. The neighbor kid going to jail for murder, some nightmare issues, work, boys.

I would hope that he finds the boy issue entertaining. I've tried a new dating site and that hasn't worked out any better for me than anything else. And this time there is nothing funny about it. Guys these days just don't seem to be able to cope with not my not being interested in them. At it is a variety of things that are at issue instead of the old song and dance about needing something on the side. Finally, those people understand that they should not be contacting me at all.

There are people to talk to about things. It is just that they are not Shayne. I don't know if all of his health issues made him so wise, or he just did a lot of living in his short 52 years. Whatever it was, he was invaluable for the wise crack.

Oddly enough, as angry as I was when the last BF dumped me, I miss him too. I miss him being able to be the ground that made it okay to be out in unfamiliar territory. I miss that we did things. I miss the friendship. It seems odd to not have him be here for this transition as it is for Shayne to be gone. And it seems odd that Sir Knight is not here for this as well.... Don't get me wrong. I don't want a big hoopla party. But I just want those 3 to be available for the small scale glass raising.

I'm not quite ready to get back into the rhythm of writing just yet. This is my first day off and I don't have it to myself as I had planned. In fact, I just got co-opted into someone else's life with no respect as to what I had planned. I do wish it were as simple as being able to say no. Or educating the person who co-opted me. Not my kid. Not my job to teach her how to do things. But she is the other housemate.