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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

the inernet is amazing

Technophobia is going to hold me back, or at least keep me in the poor seats, if I don't get over it. Days like tosay make me want to embrace the whole digi world in one big hug. Why do you ask? Well, aside from figuring out that since downloading itunes last week, I now have the means to listen to Wheaton's Radio Free Burrito programs that I downloaded; I found my Grand Aunt Erna. She is 106 and living in Farmington Hills.
Who knew? I squeed so hard I alsmost got kicked out of the Library. Not really. I squeed out loud just in time for 20 people on a security installation detail to round the stacks and find me crying and smiling. Lesson learned, never assume you are alone in a public place even if you are in the corner furthest from the noise nazi at teh desk.
I never expected to find one of his siblings alive. Erna is 3 years younger than Grampa. 109 is a stretch, even for a healthy guy like him. And I realized he has been gone for 20 years. Makes me miss him all over again. But to find a sister...
And have no idea how I should broach the subject. Do I call her out of the blue and give her a heart attack? Would she be as sharp witted as Grampa? Enough to tell me what I need to know? Is the rift too great between them to talk to me? I am as scared as I was excited. I have a phone number. An address... I could drive to GR and grab Tessa and go. But what will I find? Why does it matter?
Because it does. Our genes are the foundation of who we are, but it is the experiences that we accumulate throughout our lifetimes that helps define us through a genetic memory. Surely there are those that decry the concept as hogwash. Calling the Akashic record hogwash doesn't explain the phenomenon nor the overwhelming amount of anecdotal accounts of memories that we couldn't have because recalled events happened hundreds of years before we were born.
Somehow, our anscestors help us find who we are. I am so much like my Gramma Ada. But I never met her. Not unless a fetus can really hear what goes on around the womb. She died three weeks before I was born. So which is more implausible? A fetus can hear or we pass memories through generations? Both are illogical. But what other explaination is there?
I want Erna to know all sorts of things. I want her to know and be willing to tell what happened to separate us from each other. I want her to want us. Not just me. All of us. I want to know if I have to really let go of my brother or if there is ever going to be reconcilliation. But I also want her to tell me that my intuitive searches are accurate.
I think I expect alot from a 106 year old woman. For all I know the address that the Internet spit out is a nursing home... I could google it. Be Back Later.

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