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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Just another day

I have to say that there has been nothing in the last 5 years that has entertained me as much as the last two CDs I bought and the D&D podcasts. Jim Darkmagic forever! or just until the necromancer gets him. Anyway, I really needed to be entertained today. I don't know what the problem is lately. I guess, after years and years of denying how I felt in the well-meaning but misguided attempt to "get on with it" de Nial has finally dried up.
I wrote my blog buddy today and confided the sordidness of it all. It helped to talk later butI still feel this overwhelming sadness from something missing in my life. Doing everything by myself is very brave on the one hand... but if I don't see a movie by myself then I'll never see a movie. And that's just not right. I guess for the last few weeks I have realized that as cool as it is to have my friends back via fb and new friends via twitter that the reality is that it only reinforces the lonliness. I've been thinking that a bigger city would leave me more opportunity to meet and mingle. But really, TC isn't so small that I couldn't meet and mingle and make it meaningful. But the fact of the matter is that I don't have a personality for it. Or maybe it is more that I am truly afraid of making more connections with people who will eventually leave.
It's been a week for chasing myself in circles. I am hoping it has something to do with my personal physiology and nothing at all to do with a deeper fundamental flaw. But... I am about to run out on some free music, a live performance at a newly redone coffee shop... you know the kind of place/event that makes it easy to meet people.
See what I mean?

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