The typical instructions began somewhere in the middle of no where and never got around to stating the objective of the game. That is usually how a new game is introduced into the family rotation. It leaves me and my sister at a decided disadvantage. It doesn't last very long. Once we get the hang then its all out War on the instructor. So when he gets half way through his ineffectual spiel, I brek out in a grin.
ME: Wow, that sounds so D&D.
HIM: Yeah but without all the Satanist stuff.
ME: (mumble mumble gripe) Wil Wheaton.
So he continues his lecture while my sister-in-law continues to shuffle and deal. She turns up the top card. It is very Egyptian looking. But I am not paying that much attention. So there are all sorts of cool things to see on all the cards graphically and I squealed when I drew the DeLorean. It throws my bunny three turns into the Future to avoid a nasty attack from a host of devilish kitchen untesils and a grumpy Farmer. Actually, the Grumpy farmer is the only thing missing so far.
When he dumps the dice onto the table I make an off hand comment in that dismissive tone I take when I think that everyone should know what I know because I think my interests are mainstream. Yeah, if you thought that was a run-on sentence then you ain't seen nuthin' yet.
ME: I said I guess I better not use Jerry's dice. (I know he is thinking that he is thinking I mean the old attorney.)
HIM: Why would you say that?
ME: Cause his dice have epic fail.
ME: Paraphrase the Penny Arcade podcast. Sing "Jerry Holkins rolls a one he cannot roll a twenty" to King Wenceslas tune.
Play continues with me bumbling through the uncomplicated game mechanics, forgetting to save Special and Very Special cards, wishing there were a Chanukkah card inthe stash. My draws suck. I have nothing to play. Nothing to do but watch everyone suck the bunnies out of the deck. And then, I draw the "Choose a carrot card."
Choose a carrot means that you go through the character cards and find one that suits you. As Bro hands me the deck I squeal.
ME: I get the Vulcan.
BRO: You don't even know what the cards are.
ME: The developers/designers are geeks. There is a Vulcan.
Then I look closely at the cards. Before I get to the Vulcan I find the Jaffa.
ME: It's Teal'c!
I grab the discard pile to find the card that my sister-in-law first turned up. I look at the glyphs. The wall has all sorts of bunny glyphs. No big deal. But the cartouche in the center...
ME: Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygoditsearthsgateaddress.
ME: Its Earth's gate address?
HIM: what's that?
ME: *(Takes a deep breath and launches self off the geekboard) Agateaddressismadeupofsix symbolsthatcorespondtostarswithinourgalaxytheseventhsymbolisthepointoforiginthattellsthegate
systemfromwherethesignalbeginsthis (points to the bottom)isearthsthisaddressopensastable
HIM: And that guy (points to Teal'c carrot)?
ME: **IsajaffafromChulakwhousedtoserveasfirstPrimetoApophis,sonofRa,buthehelpedSg-1 rescueabunchofslavesandcametoEarthtojointheSGCinriddingthegalaxyofGoa'uldsystemlords.
A stunned silence fills the room while I bask in multiple joy. First that this game has so many cool geek references. And second, that I singlemindedly stunned him with as much geeky fangyrl enthusiasm for Stargate as he assumed I could have only for Star Trek.
ME: The only prblem is that he is in his first Primey garb.
More stunned silence.
Then I find an carrot with a sword in a gi.
HIM: What? There is no Sulu in this deck.
He was kinda right. The carrot's name was Hikaru.
Me: Hikaru is Sulu's first name.
He just looked at me as though I had mathematically disproven Hawkings' string theory/unified field theory invalid to Hawking. Priceless.
I lost tremendously badly. Epic fail seems like not quite an epic enough description for how much my carrots were pureed in the end. But I out geeked myself... to the point that when I referenced Castle's mom's Martha-isms about pea pod existence and finding my Pod among the cyberverse he conceded that he may have to be cut loose.
So I guess I could have used the word tribe. But tribe is so "Up North" Michigan and not nearly so space nerdy as pod (see Invasion of the body Snatchers, 1978), I chose pod. Besides, I like what Martha said about peas in a pod. Which is kinda a reference back to my friend Michelle Ward who used to use a similar concept for her famly unit.
And for those who can not decipher my breathless dissertaion, assume Daniel Jackson's mannerisms and begin:
*A gate address is made up of six symbols that corespond to stars within our galaxy. The seventh symbol is the point of origin that tells the gate system from where the signal begins. This is Earth's. This address opens a stable wormhole between tow gates making interplanetary travel possible.
**Is a Jaffa from Chulak who used to serve as First Prime to Apophis, son of Ra, but he helped Sg-1 resue some slaves and came to Earth to join the SGC in ridding the galxy of Goa'uld system Lords.