Hello Again

Yeah, I'm waving wildly at you Sir Knight.
Well... its more a "Na na na na na" You told me today that you know you have featured in my blog because someone told on me. You haven't said if you've read any of them. Now normally, knowing you have any concept that you have been featured would have made me a basket case. But I've read over all of the entries that mention you. There is nothing for me to be embarrassed about. Everything I have written has had witnesses to, or you've told others about what we said/did and then your page was quite adept in his other role as town crier. So nothing that is hear is detrimental to you beyond the harm you may or may not have done yourself. So the only thing that is left to say is this:

I write about geeky things (last post about ancient gates being prime example). I also write about the things that help me be a better writer,artist and healer. The point in writing the Knightly posts is to work out a conundrum which you have been the cause. As a reader I need to trust my perceptions and intuition. This is even more important as an artist because I translate the world through my perceptions in the effort to generate art that speaks to the viewer's heart with honesty. This intangible and unquantifiable quality in artwork is what draws people to artwork and just as importantly makes them want to put money on it. I have never questioned my perceptions... until now.
I used to never notice a guy was interested until he was long gone and the new girlfriend/wife would gush how lucky she was that I never noticed how much so and so was into me. Uh, yeah... I had other things on my mind at the time. And when I was in a place to see and understand but most importantly accept the kind of attention I learned quickly what all those signs were. And you display them. Then you deny them. And them I am quickly befuddled. I lose the confidence in my ability to perceive the world around me. In any other case your behavior... well you know what your behavior is. And what it means. But in any other instance I would not be wrong.
It upsets my confidence. It makes it harder to read for people. it makes it harder to be certain of where the metaphoric quicksand is. And the other thing it does, over time, is erode ones confidence. Really, think about it from my perspective if you're always "Just joking" why would I take anyone else seriously? In the long term this translates as yet another case where I am just not good enough. yes, you've tried very hard to put that particular description on yourself. That is adorable by the way... running away from the table because I said quantum physics. Quantum physics!
The thing is that this kind of thing effects my ability to write and generate meaningful art. You can't write a scene that will resonate with your reader if you don't write it the way people behave. How do I know what that is any more? You can't create a piece of art that rings true with human experience if you can't see how humans interact with their world and the people in it. How do I know what is true? Your behavior says something very straight-forward while you deny it with a bunch of take backs. That is how you got here.
I was trying to figure out if it was you, me or an incomplete data set that had me confused. Turns out it is a combo deal (isn't it always?). I was also hoping that the 3 readers that I have could tell me if my hypothesis or the analysis was wrong. Turns out none of them knew and I have a sleeper among my readership.
I have to say that I am disappointed that you felt it necessary to ambush me with a witness present. This is the kind of thing we should have talked about in private. It's one thing for you to tease me in front of others. It's another thing entirely to lead me into a discussion which could degenerate into an awkward battle of hurt feelings. Yes, I wrote about you. I wrote about you in code, with a name, Sir Knight, to protect your anonymity. Only someone who had my personal confidence could have told you about these blogs; could have told you that Sir Knight was you. Of all the mutual friends we have in common I didn't think any of them read this blog. It was not a back door to your attention. And to find that one does and would reveal the fact to you when he or she did not reveal him or herself as a reader... it changes my perceptions of trust and prudence.
I would encourage you to read the blog entries for yourself. Read beyond the scope of your personal interest. And don't judge me harshly for what I wrote about Michael Jackson, but see something more about me so that you will know there was nothing malicious in my intent. And I leave you all with this:

I didn't erase those entries for several reasons. First, I wrote nothing malicious or destructive. No one will know who you are if you keep your trap shut. Harass me about it, brag about it and then everyone will know who Sir Knight is. You reveal yourself to non readers, not I. Secondly, I didn't redact these posts because, as I said, they help me to understand where I am with the part of me responsible for generating art. The readers who interact with me do so in another forum, leaving me with their advice and insights. The blog helps me sort out my head. Thirdly, I leave these posts intact because, as writing exercises, they are good. Oh, by no means are they going to win any blogging awards. But I think they show my whimsical humor, grace in defeat and are just plain old entertaining. And let's face it, next to a trauma to the groin, nothing is funnier than relationship woes. Fourthly, I can not cater to the audience I don't know about. Had I known that she was reading and there were the chance to use the fact to influence your opinion of me then perhaps I would never have written the posts in the first place. But they are written. As I writer I have to stand by them. It would be hubris indeed to claim any kind of journalistic integrity as this is not journalism in a Pulitzer prize winning sense.
This is my place to be a geek. And if anything can be universally said of geeks across the spectrum of geeky endeavors, it is that we are socially awkward and constantly uncertain of ourselves. There is nothing geekier than the uncertainty principle. There is a Sheldon worthy joke in there somewhere but I'm reaaaally tired.
I hope you aren't mad. I hope you can take this for what it is. But mostly I hope that my questions deflected your attention thereby rendering this post as superfluous while allowing me to remain concealed by virtue your continued disinterest as I have other fish to fry, so to speak. In the event that I did not divert you I say this in my defense: I did not outright lie about the blog posts. I simply asked you questions which were designed to make you think about what you were told and the motive behind it. I may have only bought a day or two at the most. But I definitely bought time enough to write this blog. Of course, with people walking into the room the confrontation had to end anyway.