Frustrations abound. I do not know how to fix a lot of them. I am trying to find people who can help me where I am not able to help myself because I do not want to be dependent upon anyone. The only thing that is wrong now is that when it comes to me... I feel weak having to ask.
Oh I am well aware of the irony, my friends. I keep telling you guys to plug along and find the people who can help you stay strong. Were I in the postition to help, as I have been in the past, I would not think any one who asked me for assisstance to be weak. I don't think any one should feel ashamed for asking for help. So why do I feel bad about asking?
Why do you feel bad about asking for help?
It pricks the ego to ask for help because we fell for the whole independence is the hallmark of every American citizen. And I have a bunch of voices in my head, echoes of things that my mother said. I am supposed to be the person to carry the family luggage and have nothing but scraps. I'm not supposed to be strong because it makes too many people in my family feel badly. It is an old messege. A powerful messege. And I have been so long in the dialog that learning a new dialog is difficult.
So... I tell you what I wish more people would have told me. I tell you because I don't want you to be my age and wondering who or what you are and want to be. I don't want you to be weak and lost in whatever future mankind makes for itself. I'm a little older than some of you and a lot older than most. And I hope that you find your way in the world together and help each other to be strong.
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