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Friday, December 30, 2011

Growing up is Hard to do

My heart hurts and it has nothing to do with the mechanics of the thing. My heart hurts because I've done something stupid in not understanding myself which lead me then to fail to recognize a good thing when I had it.

There is nothing worse than being alone for the new year after you have been in a relationship. The sun keeps shining and the world keeps spinning but what I want to do it throw a giant stick in the spokes and make everything stop...
yeah that is self pity. Tell me something I don;t know.


  1. No, no, no, no. That isn't right. You may be thinking that's correct. But the reality is you did nothing stupid. You may be alone for the new year. But you can not forget the very valid reasons you made the choices you made. In reality, being alone by yourself if far better than being alone with someone else.

  2. Well yeah. That is what I thought the whole time that I kept saying No Pets No Kids No Man No Mess. But then I met someone and realized that being a geek and having an internet tribe to belong to, while affirming, was not great. It wasn't enough. I needed a flesh and blood geek to be around.

    I've been assured that it is not too late. Get some things fixed and pick up where we left off. It's just that I lose hope so fast. And I am so afraid of how long it will take to fix what needs to be fixed.

    and it has to get fixed. If I am alone or with someone it has to get fixed so that the conditions of the past year are never repeated.

    I just don't want this to be yet another thing that has slipped away because I have been so defensive instead of being able to see good things in front of me.