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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

No Pets

That is the number one element in my mantra. You know the one. The one that is supposed to remind me that I am supposed to be making my life easier instead of complicating it with things and people that are not good for me. Grief is not good for me. I get attached to pets easily. And the reason that I do not want one right now is that I am not in a financially stable enough position in my life. And I do not want to lose another pet. The first one that was my very own, a manz named Spock, hurt so much to lose. And Shadow, who was not mine to start with hurt my heart to give up because it was the begining of a downward spiral. So... no pets.

I just refused my brother's request to live at his house and care for the prozac pooch for a month while he is at training for his new job. I am not a dog person. And another prozac riddled animal is not my idea of a good time. It is too much. And I do not want a dog in my room. He is rather rambunctious. And a rambunctious dog is way worse than a rambunctious cat.

So last night as I lay watching Turner Classics there came a tap tap tapping at my door. The woman who has been here with her kids needed an emergency solution to caring for her two cats. Smokey and Precious seem like they are gonna be okay roommates. Smokey is a boy who has quite good manners and enjoys long walks on the college campus. Precious is 3 or 4 months old and is into everything. Smokey is a talkative fellow and a little aloof; aren't they all? And Precious doesn't have her voice yet. But look out world when she finds it!

So why did I say yes? I don't know.

My therapist and I were talking about how lonely an existence is without someone or something to take care of and that takes care of us, shares time and will sit with us in our sorrows. So we talked about a plant. You met Phaelen. It wasn't like I was ever going to go to the pound to get a pet. I don't have the money for it. But she did get me thinking that maybe it wouldn't be bd thing. Really. The point in not having a pet is to hide from experiencing grief again. But like any other thing that we use to protect ourselves from ourselves and all the bad in the world, it can also keep us from the good things in life.

Pets are good for us. Study after study tells us that they reduce the heart rate and blood pressure and can help to assuage some of the stronger emotions that we do not process on our own. There is no doubt that I miss having pets. The few weeks that my brohter had the rescue kittens showed me that I miss them. So why not? This is only going to be for a month and knowing that will keep me from getting too attached. So I guess this is going to be one of those growth ops that will help me evaluate the merit of my mantra.

That is what we are supposed to be working on right now. Deciding what parts of the mantra are worth keeping and which parts are  doing more harm than good. Right now I am not thrilled that they seem to like the keypad on the laptop. But it is nice to have someone to talk to. That isn't me. Of course neither cat listens to me any better than I listen to me.

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