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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Here and no farther!

We've heard Picard say it about the Borg. We know that generals in a battle over anything of any propotion epic or otherwise have at least thought it even if they have not come out and said it. As we Geeks all know a bully is a bully until he/she meets a line that can not be erased by intimidation alone. In everyone's life there comes a time to draw a line in the sand. To say
The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther!
 One need not pile upon a personal white whale the sum of all the rage and hate within the circumstance. Rage and hate do nothing but boil the blood in our veins and blind us to our own fallibilities. Rage and hate prevent the rational mind from seeking a solution. Rage and hate make a victim out of the bully or lock a victim into victim-hood when reality is that things just happen. The whale is no more antagonistic to Ahab than Ahab is to an ant upon which he treads while ashore. But somehow, we make things personal out of the impersonal. We cower.

In the corner in which we cower we forget that not everything in life is attacking us. And that when we are attacked we may fight back. We may draw a line in the sand and defend ourselves. It need not be with hurling harpoons nor derrogatory comments. It may simply be the word "No." No in defense of these thoughts:
  • This body is mine it will not be destroyed
  • This work is mine it will not be diminished
  • This spirit is mine it will not be subjugated to a goal which is not mine
  • This life is mine it will not be controlled by your circumstance
  • This (_____________) that you have taken belongs to me and is essential for my survival.
We think that we can not defend ourselves because it is impolite, impolitic, improper to do so. Sometimes those thoughts are born of observation. "I see that person behave like this and I do not like it so I won't do it." Sometimes those thoughts are born of education. Girls especially are taught that they must always be sweet and kind. Geeks are taught that they do not matter much in the physical world and so the mind is cultivated while the rest is left to the wolves.

Defense can be done with calm rationality. It can be done with polite words as well as harsh. No matter how defese is done... it must be. We must each protect ourselve from those who would take without regard to the effect it has in our lives. I've done that.

I have drawn a line in the sand. I have said that I am owed something and I will use it how I determine best. Not you. Not my sister. No one but me will make my choices for me. And you are costing me more as each week progresses. Yes sometimes this means hiring another person to dot the i and cross the t. But I have done so.

I thought that the drawn out process that would lead to freedom would close sooner. All that was needed was an admission of wrong doing so that I could know the course to take. Admission made. Calls made and fire lit. The process could be lengthier than I anticipated and that is on me. Or simply put the person who is in the wrong and being called out on it could do what needs to be done and end the whole thing in a month.

Am I happy that I am still waiting? Still holding my breath? No. I am relieved that the person now knows that I will not be lead down a primrose path to no where? yes.

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