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Sunday, July 21, 2013

How Big a Geek?

Well this is one of 6 boxes of books that I am unearthing from the Warehouse. It is mostly technical stuff on how to do art, reference material and according to the top book there.... how to survive being an artist. the next step is of course taking over my corner of the world. The instructions for which are in another box.

It's funny. I can not go without a book. And while there seems to be a limitless abundance at our library, that is not the same as being able to keep a book you like as your own friend. Borrowing from the library feels a lot like hanging out people who are primarily my sister's friends. I only have them on loan and the feeling of people able to call on theme whenever I want to is lost. But a book that you own, that sits on your own shelf is always there. I might not always read them 20 or 30 times. But I look at them, they look at me and we know that we have been together on an adventure. And I know that I do not have to share that particular friend with anyone else who has been there. It is our adventure.

I guess that is one thing that I am very selfish about. I want my memories to be mine. I love that Conan-Doyle is a national treasure in England. But the set of books that I have, while they are his work, have been with me since the mid 80s. They have gone with me everywhere that I have been, except in following the Man with the Twisted Lip. That I did alone. And no one else will have been with me under the quilt, in my bed or on the beach, in rain and in shine with those particular books. We are all fans. We have read the same stories. And while we are a collective, each experience has been a singular one.

In general, I think that is the duality of being a Geek. You belong to a collective. Due to the solitary nature of being a Geek, you experience your fan-focus alone most of the time.

Within the next few days I will be uncovering more treasures. And consolidating the lot of it for potential sale. I know that books will not go. The inanimate objects that are the last vestiges of the living will go. I know that I do not need those things to keep them alive in my heart any more. And they are such a pain to store and care for while I am still struggling to bring my life in to a secure place. The books will always be my best friends. I learn and let myself feel with the characters. It is safer. And it is not as healthy as one would hope to have in a relationship. But I have a room mate for learning how to be human again. And I have a handful of good friends that I keep close via technology. And for now while life is on the mend that will be enough.

I can't wait to see my dragons in action again. Vacation on Krynn here I come!


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