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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mack the knife has nothing on me

I am feeling stabby this morning.
I think it started with my last post and spiralled straight out of the galaxy. No one outside of the medical field understands weight issues; and then only a precious few. And no one with them really understands it either. But the whole friggin' world is deeply prejudiced. And I am not much beyond that pale line.
True, I had thought geeks were guys of a different color. It must have been that "connect on a personal level" motto that suckered me. The more profiles I read yesterday, the worse I felt. Let's face it, Beauty and the Beast is another one of the damn fairy tales that just isn't true. Oh yeah... Surprise! I just don't believe I am still trying to believe in those stupid things.
The world is as it is and there is no changing it. Be the change you want to be in the world? Right there, Mohandas. Change still does not happen in a vacuum. And that for the simple reason that nature abhorrs a vacuum. I can change all I want to. But others have to change with me.

At the heart of this issue is the simple fact that while I am weeks away from a size 12 pant and I swim in a 14 top I still feel like a blimp. All around me I see evidence that guys will date/marry/keep a heavy chick. I don't have a bad personality and I smile/laugh/kid around enough to be sparkly. So WTF? Am I really giving off the vibe that says this is an illusion? Or is the pond I swim in just too limited in its variety of flora and fauna?
It doesn't matter what the answer is. Stabby I feel. Stabby I am.

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