Again, these are words that apply to more than acting. You could fill in acting for anything that one wishes to attain. And I substitute art for acting. The paralels don't seem to be exact enough on the surface put I have to point out that for an artist to achieve any success at all, the art must leave the atelier. An actor that never leaves the privacy and security of their bedroom mirror never gets paid for their work. So an actor takes it on the road and does auditions and gets gigs. As the actor leaves his room, the artist must leave the studio. In this, the initial presentation to an agent or a jury is the audition. The gig is the show. And it can not be, as Wil said, about booking the job. It has to be about enjoying the artwork. Michelle Ward would agree. She has said as much to me in the past.
I have not made any public appearances since the 12th grade show that Mrs. Rodek made me be present for. If being present and mingling with the crowd were not half the grade, I would have stayed home. I wasn't comfortable with the concept of being where I could hear what people had to say about my work. I loved a lot of what my classmates produced and had heard them ripped to shreds at the Fall show. The audience in this case was not typical of a real outside the home town audience. They expect art to be made for them and not have to work to find an artist with a comparable voice to their own taste. In otherwords, if it wasn't religious or cherries it wasn't good enough for anything. So I really wasn't prepared for anything come the Spring show.
The day of the show I was a complete basket case. I will always remember John and Wayne fondly for making every attempt at genial encouragement. They both hovered like mother hens until I was warmed up and laughing. And when Mom swooped in to ruin it, they both were fiercely contradictory of her criticisms so that Mrs. Rodek only had to tell mom that she should be very proud of my work and the energy that I put into everything. Still, I did not enjoy the whole show. And it soured me on doing it again.
I enjoy so much of the process of creating that I would rather always be creating. I can get lost in the chosing of colors and materials, textures and contrasts and the way that a blank white canvas evolves into something more that a bit of this and that slapped onto something. But if I am ever to make money with art, I have to, as Wil says, find a way to enjoy the audition. This is the point at which I get stuck all the time.
Michelle was the one who pushed for me to submit work to Somerset Studio. The audition happened so far away that I couldn't focus at all on how they were evaluating my work. So I just kept right on working and living daily life and then the confirmation letter came which was almost as exciting as the day the magazine came. And I have had work accepted everytime I have submitted. It doesn't pay. I have canvases that I enjoyed putting together languishing on my walls while people are clamoring to see what I have done. Michelle so enjoys EVERY aspect of art... developing, experimenting, creating, showing, teaching and selling that the enthusiasm really does the selling for her. She makes everything look effortless. I don't know how she does it. She somehow has found a way to enjoy everything about it. The money flows from that. Just as Wil says that if you enjoy the process but don't get that gig, you get the short list for the next gig that the casting director is booking. And that is the way it works for Michelle.
I have to find a way to enjoy this part of the process. If I don't then there is no way I can go out and sell my own designs even if I have the equipment to produce them.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHOCKING REVALATION!!!!!!!!!
I'm in my own way. Again. Sure the brother doesn't help. But I am distracted by getting around him and not getting around to me. DAMN! Even if I had the money for the equipment the stamp business cannot succeed until I am ready to leave the studio. So now this makes last week's stupid idea all the more important to engage. I have a ready made guest list from the highschool reunion, a friend who can maybe get me a place for a weekend and enough finished pieces for a modest show. And one vote from Wayne that I do this. I'll count ACG ahead of his voiced vote cause I know he will love the idea. It'll be a dry run. I don't expect anyone to buy stuff since things are so tight here. But with that openhouse/show I can figure out how to enjoy this process. Crap! I don't know the first thing about hosting an event of this magnitude. Who to tap...
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