Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Statistical Probabilites my Ass!

There is a saying in the husband hunting clubs that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince. And there is a similar thing in mathematics wherein a barrel with 99 blue gems and 1 diamond with a participant drawing one gem per draw will eventually find the diamond. Or in Castle-speak, eventually the perpetrator will be Men In Black or Aliens. Eventually. In a case of a barrel of gems, eventually the participant will draw the diamond.... even if that means 100 draws to get there. In the case of the Frog Prince and the Princess or Gold Digger (whoever finds him first) that is a lot of frogs. A lot of potential for e coli, salmonella or botulism toxicity to ruin your happy hunt.

But statistics are statistics. Probability states that eventually you will hit your mark, one must simple continue to hunt for that which one seeks. So, if one dating site yields 2 good candidates every 6 months then 4 sites should yield 8. Of those 8 someone has to be a good match. Right? Right. So says math so say we all.

Then again, we know how math and I get along. I'm a 6° Geek in that I can connect dots one wouldn't necessarily think connected. Not in the sense that I have any functional abilities in the world of math and science. I am perfectly content with the succinct explanation of quantum physics as Timey Wimey stuff™ even if it is all Wibbly Wobbly. So while the statement of logic seems a reasonable one. The results suggest that it is time I face some hard facts.
• One or Six dating sites is going to yield me more frogs than I know what to do with.
• I am tired of kissing frogs
• I would rather sell frogs TO a French restaurant than eat WITH another one
• A successful match on paper is not necessarily going to derive a successful match in person
• No matter what a man says in his profile he is only baiting a hook with the best bait he knows, which is not necessarily the truth
• What a man says he is looking for is not really what he is looking for
I think, and I have said this before, it is time to cease the hunt. I am lonely without active mates to do things with. But everyone wants a ready made partner not someone they have to put time into. No matter how well the Internet can connect me globally to people who share my same interests, the Internet is not going to connect me with people who share my interests locally. While it may seem that I am backtracking on my birthday wishes to Benedict Cumberbatch last month and what I am planning on sharing with Richard Armitage next week, I am not.

It is simply time to realize that I have spent a life time cultivating a person that I find interesting enough to spend the rest of my life with, who is not going to be painfully boring to be with, can always find new things to occupy her time and mind with and will always excel at making short term friends specifically because I knew when I was 14 that I was not gong to be married. Sure sex is a little less interesting when you are by yourself and there is a great deal to be said for having a good massage after you've done something stupid to yourself. But in the long run that second person just might be extraneous in my life.

I've spent a life becoming someone who had the chops, interests and pursuits to be solitary. I see more possibilities as an adult than I did as a child and I am not so fearful anymore of all the things that made me want to be single in the first place. I've gotten to have some great short term relationships. And I've felt the connectivity that I crave. Though I do think that it is  time to evaluate the results my efforts have yielded and change tack once again.

I would love to have an RA or BC sweep into my life and be the key missing person. Truly what are the odds that will happen? There is an amazing world around me that I have been exploring. I am open to a great many things and have a heart with the capacity to love many things equally well and with the devotion of a religious zealot. Maybe I was never meant to be a wife or life partner but just the best fangirl/army enlisted/___bitch/Trekkie on the planet. Maybe rather than be married to a man I am meant to be emotionally and spiritually married to my interests and work. I wouldn't be the first person on the planet to do so. Katherine Hepburn comes to mind. While I greatly admire Kate, I would rather be Marie Curie.

After 5 years, 7 websites & profiles, hundreds of emails in which joy turns to angry sorrow I am going to have to realize that I'm not going to find my Pierre. I made the choice when I was 14. I spent 26 years equipping myself to fulfill that choice. One does not simple change ones mind and yield instant results. I still think that because Ben and Rich want that, that because they have always wanted that for themselves, that they should continue to be vigilant for the person that is to be theirs. And if either of them are to find her then they need to be more open and allow people to know them better. RA, especially needs to be less worried about "being weird" and people judging him. I let my flag fly all the time. And I find connections all the time. It's just that the ONE person that I want is not sticking around. So, for me, I will quit looking. If there is to be a man enter my life to stay then he will have to find me.

My head hurts from all the effort and my heart is as sick of statistically probabilities as Mr. Esper was of having me in his math class. I have to get back in touch with all the things that I've had to let loose during the last 3-5 years. Find the joy in the things that I have always reveled in and expand on those ideas. There are a good many things that I geek out about that have yet to be represented here on the Geek blog... which actually means that over the last few years my Geek has diminished by degrees that I had not noticed.